Did You See The Polls, DeSantis?
(tune: Fernando,
by ABBA (1976))
Did you see the polls, DeSantis?
Remember long ago when you started your campaign.
In Florida, DeSantis,
You were talking to yourself and softly dreaming you had a chance.
You could hear the future cheers
And sound of music for your inaugural dance.
But you’re no closer, DeSantis.
Every hour every minute seems you drop precipitously.
We are so unsure, DeSantis,
You were young and full of it and some of us decided to try.
We are not too ashamed to say
Your rant ‘bout Woke and Disney we almost thought might fly.
There was something on the air that night,
That debate site, DeSantis.
They were staring there at you and them
For some mayhem, DeSantis.
But you never thought to crack a smile;
That’s a mistake.
If you keep doing the same again,
You’ll lose, you stiff, DeSantis.
If you keep doing the same again,
You’ll lose, you stiff, DeSantis.
He’s old and bad news, DeSantis,
And still many points you trail way behind his lead.
Did you see the polls, DeSantis?
Do you still really think more pampering Trump is what we need?
You can yet call out his lies.
How proud you’ll be to fight for truth and not his greed.
Just say something on the air some night
And show your fight, DeSantis.
We are waiting here for you and them
To discard that phlegm, DeSantis.
Though you may think you could lose,
You need a change.
If you keep doing the same again
You lose, and bad, DeSantis.
Yes, if you keep doing the same again
You lose, and bad, DeSantis.
Can There Be Too Much Bacon?
Grand Old Farmer had a pig;
Started small but grew quite big.
He couldn’t sate his appetite;
Ate all day and through the night.
Farmer tried to rein him in;
But did not want Pig too thin.
With a plan, hoped to try it –
Put that pig on a diet.
But out of his home, Pig ate,
All the food, even the plate.
Chewed all within the house walls,
All the food in all the stalls.
Why won’t Farmer cast Pig out –
Say it’s time to close his snout?
Is he too big to stop now?
Does Farmer not know how?
Itchy Bee
I ask you, how much worse could the worst be
Than a bee with a pollen allergy?
After hours going from flower to flower,
The work sours, itching to get a shower.
Even a slight breeze will cause her to sneeze,
Rattling her body from her head to knees.
It may make her veer to a new career,
But what else there is may still be unclear.
So if you too suffer from a sniffle,
Some medicine may be beneficial.
Then carry on with what you need to do
And be glad that itchy bee is not you.
I’m A Retriever
(tune: I’m A Believer,
Neil Diamond (1966)
Sung by The Monkees)
I wait all day for my boy to come home
Patience may well be my middle name
I want some fun and games
But only have dreams
Recreation is precious, so it seems
I’ll give a ball chase, ‘cause I’m a retriever
Anyplace you throw I will find
I’m your pup
I’m a retriever, tennis ball fever on my mind
You think fetch is more or less a trading game
You throw the ball and I bring it back
What’s the use of giving?
You’ll just throw again
Or try to trick me with a feign.
Let’s have a race, you overachiever,
Keep the pace running ‘round the yard
I’m your pup
I’m a retriever, tennis ball fever on my mind
Oh, you want to get my ball
Not as easy as it seems
You will only catch me in your dreams
Your turn to chase your speedy retriever
Lots of space where we can play
Got the ball
I’m a retriever but I won’t leave her at your feet
Yes, I got the ball ‘cause I’m a retriever
Won’t let it fall without some fun
Said, I’m a retriever, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, not a ball leaver
Said I’m a retriever. yeah, not a ball leaver
I said I’m a retriever, yeah, not a ball leaver
Poetry to the Stars
Sometimes, I think, when in doubt or in love,
We might request some help from up above.
I believe that we could all do much worse
Than write a poem to the universe.
There may be no answer where the stars spin,
But our reflective questions echo within.
Sometimes the answer we already know;
We just need us to say, I told you so.
Maybe I Forgot a Few of These …
There was an old lady who lived for her shoes;
To make ends meet, she inked artistic tattoos.
When her closets were full, she covered the floor.
She had to stop when she couldn't open her front door.
A tisket, a tasket,
Who took my little basket?
It rode on my handlebars
And held anything I asked it.
Baa, baa, black sheep,
In your woolen coat,
Do you have some wool to share
Or are you a selfish goat?
Hey diddle-diddle,
Pancakes on the griddle,
I hope you are done soon.
Syrup and butter are on the table
But I only have a spoon.
Hickory, dickory, drench
Who gave the monkey a wrench?
He’s playing with pipes under the sink -
Hickory, dickory, drench.
Humpty Dumpty sits on a wall -
It’s not a good idea at all.
With a bottom so much too round,
He will soon be smashed on the ground.
I’m a little teapot, full and hot,
Hear my whistle with the steam I’ve got.
If they warn you, heed them you ought;
Burns are lessons you don’t want taught.
It’s raining, it's boring,
We’re stuck here this morning.
Wifi’s down, no fun around,
And the kids just started warring.
The itsy bitsy spider went on the web to play.
Spam pops up to try and spoil the day.
Put up a filter and block that stuff,
Then you can browse - there’s never enough.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
But they couldn’t remember why.
Jack went home the way he’d come
And Jill looked for a new guy.
Jack’s not nimble; Jill be quick!
Jack kicks over the candlestick.
Jill hurry, Jill think fast!
Put it out with a water glass!
Little Bo Peep had lost her lamb;
And she searched all day to find her.
Lamb’s mad at the haircut she had,
So Bo promised to be kinder.
Little Boy Blue, don’t blow your horn.
My head is pounding a beat
And my nerves are all worn.
I am hobbling off to my bed to sleep
And I ask you the peace to keep.
Will you wake me? Don’t you dare!
For if you do, I swear I’ll swear.
Little Miss Muffet had a fine tuffet
Where she sat to eat lunch.
In flew a blue parrot to steal her one carrot,
But she chased it off with a punch.
Mary had a little ham
With sweet yams on the side.
With everything that Mary ate,
No food could ever hide.
One, two, where is my shoe?
Three, four, on the floor.
Five, six, the door sticks.
Seven, eight, I am late.
Nine, ten, in bed again.
Rows, rows, rows of oats
Floating in my bowl.
Cereally, cereally, cereally, cereally
Make my wheat toast whole.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
Can you tell me what you are?
Looking through my lens of glass
I see blazing balls of gas.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
Keep your fire out there afar.
Wee Willie Winkle sleepwalks at night,
In his pink p.j.’s, he’s quite a sight.
He roams in the hallway, wanders out the door;
You’d think he’d get mighty cold.
Barefoot on the floor.
Little Jack Horner
Tried to warn her
The pizza was too hot.
She emptied her lungs
When she burned her tongue
And then she took off like a shot.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
What you got in the pot?
Oh, Officer, dear,
There’s nothing here.
By you, I will never be caught.
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get a treat Dog would like.
But she recalled with a stop
That she had forgot to shop
And now her dog is on strike.
Job Interview for Alligator
Some pets stay small for many a year
But not so for an alligator.
When big, he needs to find a career
And see a job evaluator.
He will charm few with his scary leer;
He’d make a frightful educator.
With his toothy grin so insincere,
He looks more like a terminator.
He likes belly and ground to be near;
Thus not a likely aviator.
At sports, he prefers best just to cheer,
But nobody hires a spectator.
Mucky holes that he digs are austere,
He’s not much of a decorator.
His grunts and bellows are harsh to hear
So he’s not singer nor orator.
In water, he is greatly to fear,
An underwater gladiator.
But afoot meals escape with a veer;
He’s not a quick-footed predator.
It seems, at last, no job will appear
For a lazy procrastinator.
He does nothing so well, it is clear.
So he should be a legislator.
In the Woods
In the woods near my home,
As a lad, I would roam.
It seemed big, way back then;
Kids are smaller than men.
So much to see in there;
Visit a friendly bear,
Pirates’ treasure to find,
Many tales fill the mind.
Explored for hours on end;
Whole days there, I could spend.
Back home, asked what I’d done,
Told Mom “No, nothing, none.”
Warts and All
The toad is quite fond of his warts;
You can’t convince him otherwise.
They help to woo cute toadettes’ hearts
And still hide from predators’ eyes.
The skunk revels in his foul smell;
He cares not if it offends you.
He won’t trade for Eau de Chanel;
With his scent, all give him his due.
The slug slides on his oozy slime,
But his goo isn’t an affliction.
It greatly improves travel time
And lowers the force of friction.
You may not want what they possess
And may not know its true value.
When you meet, look beyond the mess,
And they may become your pal too.
Groundhog’s Lament
Were I a woodchuck I would rather stay
Still warm in my burrow on Groundhog Day.
It’s just too cold to go out for a snack –
You want a forecast, read an almanac.
Some wonder why groundhogs are so surly;
You would be too if we woke you early.
His winter plans were just to hibernate,
But then halfway through him we excavate.
We drag him out to ask a fool question;
Let me offer a better suggestion.
If we want a shadow, then ask a tree –
It has no place more comfortable to be.
For more groundhog perspective, see:
Day of the Groundhog
