The Quality of Data

The Quality of Data:

Reflections on a numberless society

The quality of data can be strange,

It piles uncounted in pools and puddles

Shaped by where it falls. It is twice misgrasped:

It eludes him that describes and him that listens.

Some concepts seem so basic that it requires considerable willpower to imagine one's existence without them. Numbers are probably not inherently part of our human biology, but once introduces into our framework of thought, it is hard not to enumerate the world around nearly automatically.

But we also verbalize by quality without resorting to quantities for everything we encounter. Probably the qualities of our experienced surroundings are the much more frequently noted characteristics and data we process into our decisions. Many people happily admit to be “math-impaired” without any particular feeling of loss.

So, suppose the only language and concepts for dealing with the world were qualitative, not quantitative. Absence or presence (“out” or “in” to our spherical friends below) of some quality, but no measure of its absolute volume or intensity. All attempts to state such comparison were only relative (bigger than a breadbox, smaller than a refrigerator; or bigger than a large weasel, smaller than a small bison). How lost would you be until you had seen a bison (and a weasel) or had its size placed relative to your own experience?

The mathematicians amongst us would say there is still math to be done with such relations, groups/members, and opposites. Some people simply cannot be distracted from their proclivities, but it will be the rare person today who will follow their symbolic notations and computational gymnastics. Most of us will drop back to our non-arithmetic intuitions and pattern recognitions.

Earthling: I come in peace. Does one of you speak for all here?

Quals (together): I speak here.

Earthling: No, one at a time please. Who is your leader?

Quals (together): Fred! Fred is leader here, bigger than me, bigger than Sam, bigger than Walter, but lesser than Big Bertha. Big Bertha is not here.

Earthling: Fine, then I wished to speak to Fred. … Hello, are you Fred?

Fred: Yes, I am Fred.

Earthling: Fred, we come from a star and planet 184 light-years from here. We want to be friends and learn from each other.

Fred: Greetings. Learning is good. Quals like to learn. And to teach. But, Fred does not understand words you use.

Earthling: How can you answer if you do not understand what I say.

Fred: I do and I do not understand. I ignore when I do not. Why do you say “we” and not “I”. “we” is group.

Earthling: There are 27 other crew members on the spaceship. I came out to meet you, but we all wish to be friends.

Fred: What is “twenty-seven” of not-this crew members?

Earthling: 27 is a number. (holds up all fingers and clenches/unclenches twice, then one hand once, and finally extends two fingers). This many.

Fred: (spherical, no digits) Huh? “Twenty-seven” is a dance?

Earthling: No, a number. (scratches 27 lines in the dirt while counting) 1, 2, 3, …, 27!

Fred: Oh, “twenty-seven” is Art? Both Visual and Performance? What is “one”, “two”, “three” …?

Earthling: Can you not count?

Fred: What is “count”?

Earthling (looking at his commpad): “To name quantities by sequential accumulation.” Gee, I hardly understand that definition. It is like you see one thing and then you see another, so you have two, and then you see another and you have three, and so forth.

Fred: Another is “two” and is “three”? What is the difference?

Earthling: Uh, one? Gee, you are getting me confused, too.

Data Bells

Data Bells

To Melody of: Jingle Bells

Working o'er the years

In employ of D.O.C.,

With lessons and cheers

Filling my esprit.

Data to juggle,

And challenges to meet,

What else would make such a struggle

An employment treat.

CHORUS: Data sets, data sets,

Data everywhere,

O what fun it is to crunch

And find something to share, O

Data sets, data sets,

Data everywhere,

O what fun it is to crunch

And find something to share.

So many years ago,

I happened on this job

And thought while times are slow

I'd hang out with this mob;

I knew nothing of their work,

Corrections was all new,

But with IT I could lurk,

And try to muddle through.

CHORUS: Data sets, data sets, …

The database was huge,

I'd never seen so much;

Part planned and part kluge,

It held all in its clutch.

And yet they desired more,

So I set to meet the task,

Listening as the specs did pour,

And making what they ask.

CHORUS: Data sets, data sets, …

Now that system going,

Too old, they say, to run;

Seeds I've been sowing

May now be redone.

My old friend will be tossed

To make way for the new,

Without his data I feel lost

And think I should go, too!

 

CHORUS: Data sets, data sets, …

When Dragons Came for Christmas

When Dragons Came for Christmas

To Melody of: Frosty The Snowman

Clarence the Dragon came home from the department store
With his soft green skin, and those wings of blue,
And the happy grin he wore.
Clarence the Dragon was a Toys for Tots gift;
He was stuffed with fluff, for a child to love,
But he gave my heart a lift.

He sat in the livingroom
And watched the T.V. with us.
He was fine with whatever was on
And he never made a fuss.

Clara the Dragon came to join him the next week
And quickly she sat right down at his side
And nuzzled up cheek to cheek

Snuggly snug snug, snuggly snug snug,
Look at Clarence smile.
Snuggly snug snug, snuggly snug snug,
They’ll be here for a while.

Both of those Dragons decided they would settle in,
So they dressed up as Thanksgiving pilgrims
And help us feast with our kin.
When the Christmas tree was decorated and lit,
They put on their next holiday caps
And had their own stockings knit.

They moved right in to heart and home
And brighten up the place
With thoughts of a child yet to come
And the smile on her face.

Clarence and Clara, soon they will have to leave us here,
But as we say goodbye, with a heartfelt sigh,
We’ll be filled with Christmas cheer.

D.O.C. Office Party

Corrections Carols

=====

The Prisoners’ Carol

To Melody of : O, Christmas Tree

O, D.O.C., O, D.O.C.,
Your prison bars confine us.
O, D.O.C., O, D.O.C.,
May prison soon refine us.
You teach us what is right and wrong.
You teach us how to get along.
O, D.O.C., O, D.O.C.,
May prison soon refine us.

O, D.O.C., O, D.O.C.,
You give our life such structure.
O, D.O.C., O, D.O.C.,
You give our life such structure.
And when we return to our homes
Better thoughts will now fill our domes.
O, D.O.C., O, D.O.C.,
You give our life such structure.

O, D.O.C., O, D.O.C.,
Your prison bars confine us.
O, D.O.C., O, D.O.C.,
May prison soon refine us.
You teach us what is right and wrong.
You teach us how to get along.
O, D.O.C., O, D.O.C.,
May prison soon refine us.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Go Rest You Weary Officer

To Melody of: God Rest You Merry, Gentlemen.

Go rest you weary officer,
Leave your woes behind here.
Remember the next shift
Will now put on their gear
To relieve you from the stress
When inmates start to wear.
O time off for leisure and home,
Leisure and home
O time off for leisure and home.

In bed so snug, in your own home,
You can catch up on your sleep
And dream in peaceful rest
‘Til your alarm does beep.
A few hours of your own,
Remaining day does creep.
O time off for leisure and home,
Leisure and home
O time off for leisure and home.

Soon enough you return again
To take your daily post
And guard all those poor souls
In the imprisoned host. 
How you will guide them from the wrong
Where your help is needed most.
‘Til time off for leisure and home,
Leisure and home
‘Til time off for leisure and home.

“Fear not,” says your supervisor,
“You are the one in charge.
The inmates will work the rules,
But obey, by and large,
Remain firm and be vigilant,
And your duty fairly discharge,
‘Til time off for leisure and home,
Leisure and home
‘Til time off for leisure and home.”

You used your training every hour
To maintain the site’s calm.
You faced conflict ‘fore it starts
And dealt with great aplomb.
You ran your unit as it should,
Part sheriff and part Mom.
Now, time off for leisure and home,
Leisure and home
O time off for leisure and home.

----------------------------------

Way Out On A Bender

To Melody of: Away In A Manger.

Way out on a bender, too drunk to see straight,
He swerved from the highway and hit the park gate.
Stars twinkled above as he passed out below,
That very drunk driver to prison will go.

It was not his first time reckless at the wheel,
And the judge was less willing to make a deal.
“Your mother may love you and think you are sweet,
But to the rest of us, you belong off the street.”

“So cool your heels awhile and clean up your act,
Six months to serve is the penalty we exact.”
He sits in his jail cell as holidays pass
To reflect how alcohol should not mix with gas.

-------------------------------------------------

‘Cause DOC is Watching You Now

To Melody of: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

You better watch out.
You better not stray.
You better behave
Both night and day
‘Cause D.O.C. is watching you now.

They have your charges,
Sentences too.
Better be careful what you do
‘Cause D.O.C. is watching you now.

They check in when you sleeping
And know when you’re awake.
The E.M. tells them where you go,
They are very hard to shake.

You better watch out.
You better not stray.
You better behave
Both night and day
‘Cause D.O.C. is watching you now.

With officers on the street
Checking everyone on their beat,
The D.O.C. is watching you now.
 At jobs and home, with whomever meets you,
They make sure you are staying on cue,
‘Cause D.O.C. is watching you now.

The neighbors will be happy

To know you’re doing well.
If you stop being scrappy
And get off that worn path to Hell.

So! You better watch out.
You better not stray.
You better behave
Both night and day
‘Cause D.O.C. is watching you now.

They check in when you sleeping
And know when you’re awake.
The EM tells them where you go;
They are very hard to shake.

You better watch out.
You better not stray.
You better behave
Both night and day
‘Cause D.O.C. is watching you now.

------------------------------------------------

Did You Learn What I Taught?

To Melody of: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Said the teacher to the inmate,
Did you learn what I taught?
Up here on the board of slate,
Did you learn what I taught?
A fact, a fact,
Simple in its way
With value if you tuck away,
With value if you tuck away.

Said the parolee to his employer,
Do you see my degree?
I’m working to be a lawyer,
Do you see my G.E.D.?
A start, a start
Upon which to build,
To become somebody more skilled,
To become somebody more skilled.

Said the employer to the governor,
Do you know what I know?
Corrections molded me a learner,
Do you know what will grow?
A seed, a seed,
Planted in knowledge,
Can a mis-started life salvage,
Can a mis-started life salvage.

Said the governor to all the people,
Let us spend taxes wisely.
Proclaim it from hall and steeple,
With our schools, be not miserly.
The stray, the stray,
Can be brought back home,
And needs not hopelessly roam,
And needs not hopelessly roam.

------------------------------

The Good DOC Commissioner

To Melody of: Good King Wenceslas.

The Commissioner looked on
The work of Corrections,
And proudly his eye was drawn
To all fulfilling their missions.
With duty, they bent to task,
‘Though often unnoticed,
Performing all he did ask,
To leave no detail missed.

“Deputy, come stand by me,
And help me solve this puzzle.
What thought have you of how we
Can reward such bustle?”
“Sir, there’s hardly any money.
Budget’s tight, costs mounting;
It’s long since times were sunny,
According to accounting.”

“Bring me pad, and bring me pen,
Let’s brainstorm ideas;
A snack maybe, now and then,
Or coupons for tortillas.”
The two of them went to work
To find a way to say,
From the top to lowest clerk,
We owe more than we pay.

“Sir, perhaps we should say that,
As often as we can.
For them, we’ll go to the mat,
As they do, to a man.”
“In their footsteps, we should walk
With the devotion they show,
And with our acts, as much as talk,
Remember the debt we owe.”

So, led by them, he leads them,
With determined drive
To make a workplace gem
Where all can work and thrive.
Let us appreciate the boss
As he does of us all,
And join him in shared sauce
To answer duty’s call.

 -------------------------------------------------

Rudolph, the Under-aged Felon

To Melody of: Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Rudolph, the under-aged felon,

Was caught while in the act.

But even though you saw him

He would just deny the fact.

Nobody could ever trust him

Nor would even turn their back,

Lest they became the victim

Of Rudolph's next attack.

Then one Marine recruiter came

To offer some hope:

"Rudolph, you're so fill of fight,

Why not serve your country right"?

Now everyone claps with pride

And cheers him when they can.

Rudolph, you under-aged felon,

You're off to Afghanistan.

------------------------------------
 

The Workcrew Carol

To Melody of: Deck the Halls.

Paint the walls and clean the highway,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Service hours is how you repay,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

For the harm you did to others

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

Bringing shame to dads and mothers,

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
  

See the happy people greet you,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Here is a chance to start anew,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Replace the bad with good deeds,

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

Relieve instead of cause the needs.

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
 

Feel your value in your labors,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

As you help, not hurt, your neighbors.

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

You'll feel better for what you do,

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

And now follow a path that's true

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

--------------------------------------------------------