What's In A Name?

What's in a Name?

O Redskins, O Redskins! Wherefore art you Redskins?
Deny your fan base and refuse your name;
Or, if you wilt not, and keep your handle,
Who shall no longer be ticket holders?
'Tis but your name that is the enemy;
You are the team, though not the team logo.
What's a team logo? It is not play, nor field,
Nor coach, nor star, nor any player
Belonging to a team. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? That which we call a team
By any other name would play as well;
So Redskins would, were you not Redskins called,
Retain that dear heritage you own
Without that label. Redskins, change your name,
And for that name which is no part of the game
Have box office sales.

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Counterpoint

Is a Rose is a rose es una rosa?
Is a Cowboy is a cowboy es un vaquero?
Is a she is a flower es una flor?
Is a footballer is a ranchhand es un pastor de vacas?

A word is a word is a word,
But meaning is an use in a context.
The speaker chooses to use,
But listener hears his own setting.

Should we fault the speaker
For what is heard 'tho not meant?
May the ear request to come again
To confirm the intent spoken?

Is a Redskin is a redskin is a slur?
Is a team is a race is a hate?
When what is meant is not heard
Who can correct the error?

Passing through the Storyland Post Office

We have been assured that the Comic Access to Reports, News, And Communications (CARNAC) technology used to divine the contents of these sealed envelopes is not now nor planned to be employed by the NSA. Please, rest easy and pay no attention to that man behind your curtains.

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Three Bears Residence
Enchanted Forest
Storyland, USA

Dear Bear Family,

In this day and age of uncertainty and crime, I am writing to offer you some peace of mind. Do you worry about your possessions, big, small, or in-between, every time you leave your home? What you need is a home security system, professionally installed, to deter those home invaders who would take advantage of you.

You may have considered such safeguards in the past, only to decide they are too expensive or too complicated. But we will work with you to find the solution that is just right for you.

Our representative will be in your neighborhood next week and is eager to stop in to discuss our flexible plans with you. We look forward to meeting you to explore how we together can protect the sanctity of your home.

At your service,

Goldie's Locks, Inc.
123 Fantasy Road
Storyland, USA

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Dame Gothel or Current Occupant
Mystery Tower
Storyland, USA

Dear Occupant,

It has come to the attention of the Storyland Zoning Administrator's office that the Mystery Tower may not be in compliance with zoning and safety regulations. Our inspector made an unscheduled site visit yesterday and believes that the structure is now in use as an unapproved residence. He reported hearing singing from an upper chamber, but was unable to contact you (or your tenant) due to the apparent absence of any door. His attempts to find a door knocker or bell system to summon you were similarly fruitless.

A search of this office's records indicates that although a building permit was issued twelve years ago, you have never applied for a certificate of occupancy nor the qualifying inspections necessary to complete the construction process. Therefore, faced with the presumption of its unauthorized use, this office is writing to establish a time in the next three days for a complete inspection of the premise. Despite its isolated location, the Storyland zoning regulations still apply to all dwellings in this domain, including yours. They are enacted (and enforced) to protect us all from mitigable consequences of both routine and catastrophic circumstances through proper precaution and best practices.

Please Be Advised: If we do not hear from you to schedule an appointment, our staff and officers of the Bailiff will be onsite Friday equipped to enter the Mystery Tower and remove any residents therein without the requirement of your permission. An inspection of the property (beyond the assurance of removal of all occupants) cannot be conducted without your approval, but this office will begin condemnation procedures if we have not heard from you within the next 30 days. If so ordered, the Mystery Tower will be demolished (I shall personally see it blown up (best part of my job)).

Sincerely,

Zeke Midas Woolf, RA/AIA
Storyland Zoning Administrator
Storyland, USA

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Farmer McDonald
McDonald Farm and Dairy
Storyland, USA

Sir:

We are writing to follow-up on the Council Meeting you attended last month. At that time, you pointed out that your diverse products are distributed to many Storyland homes on a regular weekly (or more frequent) basis. There was discussion at the meeting about the supplementing of our herald communication with printed materials on the packaging of your products.

Alas, the theoretical nature of such speculation has materialized into a real need. The woodcutter has reported that his children, Hansel and Gretel, have been missing for three weeks now. He believed they went in search for food, as his whole family has been starving (and to which his second wife succumbed last week), but they never returned,

The Council has budgeted funds to print the faces and story of the children on flyers. We are contacting you about the implementation of your proposal to affix these flyers to your milk jugs for this week's deliveries. The flyers accompany this letter.

Thank you for your dual sense of civic responsibility and practical frugality. We all hope for the most fortunate outcome from this enhanced communication made possible by your participation.

On behalf of the King and all citizens,

Prince Charming
Chairman, Storyland Council

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Aurora Rosamund
King Stefan's Castle
Storyland, USA

Dear Miss Rosamund,

I am in receipt of your letter of April 2nd in which you inquire for information about hypersomnia, its causes and its cures. As a minor, I must advise you that I am unable to treat you as a patient without your parents' knowledge and consent. But let me assure you, there is no mechanism known to science by which a splinter from a spinning wheel can induce nacroleptic symptoms. It is much more likely that you have been the brunt of an unkind April Fools' prank. Perhaps it would be best simply to set your fears aside and enjoy your forthcoming Sweet Sixteen party.

Sincerely,

Ripton Van Winkle, MD
Catskill Center for Sleep Disorders
Tarrytown, NY

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Peter Pan
Home Underground Neverwood
Never Neverland, USA

Dear Mr. Pan,

Please keep the enclosed card until you receive your Membership Kit. It will include your new card, as well as complete details on how to take advantage of the many membership rewards available to those over 50.

I'm sure you'll find that using just a few of your discounts (such as on air flights, cruises, hotels, and home security) can more than repay the cost of your membership.

You'll also appreciate AARP's trustworthy information and resources. It can help you protect your health, your money and your career, and make the most of life over 50.

Welcome to AARP!

Sincerely,

Methuselah Bristlecone
Director of Membership
Storyland AARP

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Insignificance

Insignificance?

Macbeth strutted upon his stage
Unto his death to end his petty page;
The greatness of deed and misdeed shrink
As all disappear after a blink.

But, wait, do you know that name?
A lifeless character with everlasting fame,
Who breathed naught but fictional air,
A creature from pen and ink heir.

Was he created to line the purse
Of a self-centered dabbler of verse?
In his small world, the writer was king,
And all existed due to his making.

But in his more expansive view,
Away from him his importance flew;
The more who see his plays,
The less the impact his drama conveys?

A man's pettiness is more easily felt
By the tightness of the cinch upon his belt.
The shorter his reach, the less he touches,
The higher the boundary, the more hobbling his crutches.

Creator

Creator
(April 1, 1969)
“What are you called?”

“I am Captain David Robert Allen of the United Planets Stellar Forces.”

“Captain David Robert Allen is dead.”

What is this, Allen wondered. Where is he? Who are those voices? He could not take account of himself. He felt that he could not see, but that he knew there was nothing near him to see. Only those voices. Who are they?

“I am Captain David Robert Allen.”

“David Robert Allen is dead.”

“Where am I?”

“You are dead.”

Dead? Again he is told he is dead. But he could not remember. What happened? The ship? Yes, the ship! Where is the ship? What has happened to it?

“I am not dead.”

“You are.”

“How?”

“Your craft was destroyed in battle.”

The battle! Yes, that's right! He had been sent out to destroy the enemies of the State. A band of revolutionaries, inflaming the minds of men against the theocracy. Yes, he had been sent to do his duty, to destroy every last one.

“Is everyone dead?

“From your vessel, yes.”

“Where am I?”

“At your final destination.”

Final destination? Starport 54? No, this cannot be Starport 54. He was not to report there until he saw the last revolutionary die. The battle? Maybe they were all there. No, no, only a small fraction were there. With the help of God, it will still be months before he gets them all.

“Who are you?”

“Voices.”

“What is your purpose?”

“To test you.”

A test? Yes, yes, the test!! The test to enter paradise! He is dead and the voices are the gate-keeper. He would pass the test and meet his Maker. He is a devout, loyal member of the theocracy. He does penance and prays and gives offerings, And he follows the orders of the theocracy. He is a great warrior. Respected. Honored. Yes, he would meet his Maker.

“I am ready.”

“State your name.”

“David Robert Allen.”

“Of what society are you?”

“The benevolent and pious society of Earth and the United Planets.”

“What is your function in this society?”

“I am a loyal soldier of The Church of the Creator, chosen to defend against all enemies and heretics.”

“Means?”

Means? What kind of question is that? What other means are there?

“Death.”

“What are your beliefs?”

“I believe in the words of the Holy Bible.”

“Do you believe in and practice the universal ethic code?”

“Please explain.”

“What you know as the ten commandments and the golden rule.”

What kind of question is that? He has just said he believes in the words of the Bible. Of course he practices it. Everyone must. Why, it is even his job to execute those who do not and confiscate their possessions. They must just want a reinstatement of his devotion.

“Yes, I believe.”

“And practice?”

“Of course.”

Silence. Is that muttering he hears? What is wrong? He observes the ten commandments. Thou shall have no other gods before Me. Thou shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. Remember the sabbath day …

“Are you respected by other men?”

“Yes. I am very much respected. I am a religious man and a great warrior. I have been decorated for my bravery and ingenuity in battle. People flocked to my residence to see the trophies of my many battles. I ...”

“Enough. Where do you wish to dwell in the life hereafter?”

“Man shall dwell with his Creator.”

“Why?”

“Man was made in the image of his Creator.”

“That is true.”

Acknowledgement! He passed! They have accepted him as qualified to dwell with his Maker. He shall live eternally in paradise! Yes, he passed!

“It is decided by your traits of character and actions of life that you are destined to dwell eternally with your creator. Are you prepared to meet the creator of all men?”

“I am ready to meet my Maker.”

And the eternal flame engulfed him.

“Man, like his creator, makes a mockery of good in a lifetime of evil.”