Sunday, April 27, 2014

Loose Screws

Loose Screws
There is an open box in my workshop
With loose screws and bolts to reuse someday
It is always there as a place to drop
Any such hardware that becomes a stray.

When I have a job for a screw or two,
I go to this tray to see what I find.
With hundreds of pieces for me to paw through,
A jigsaw puzzle it brings to my mind.

I spend many minutes 'til I recognize
The parts required for the latest chore.
I stir through the screws of every size,
Worse when I find one but really need four.

At times like that I say I should sort these
Into sets to speed any future hunt.
A small jar of wood screws to scan with ease
Without machine screws my eyes to confront.

So yesterday, the hours I indeed spent
Making the piles to divide bolt from screw.
Handfuls divided into their cans sent
And then again in smaller piles they grew.

It's a little corner set in order
From my life of general disarray.
My tendencies on mania border
Rarely ever to throw anything away.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Did You Miss Me?

Did You Miss Me?

Did you miss me?, said the mouse to the cat.
Sorry I had to dash away like that,
But when duty calls, a mouse can't say no
And must, with haste, to wherever called go.

Oh, were you gone? the cat replied to him.
I had my fur to groom and claws to trim.
So many more important things to do,
The dog and I had not a thought of you.

The dog asked, we have a cat in our home?
I have rabbits to chase and fields to roam.
There is no time to waste in my busy day;
I must be ready when Boy wants to play.

Mom called, have you walked the dog today, Boy?
You know that he is not just a stuffed toy.
Not now, he said, I've a ballgame to catch,
But I'll get to it right after the match.

Is that game today? Dad said from his chair,
I completely forgot, not I don't care,
But I need to be elsewhere, sorry, Sport;
Are you pitching, fielding or playing short?

Each at the center of his own universe,
Where, but briefly, others ever traverse,
We let pass without note, and small effect,
The doings of others in our neglect.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Froward Ho!

Froward Ho!

You plotted just what to say
With so much thought and tact,
Then froward tongue gives away
What you believe in fact.
The contrary organ lets slip
Enough to give you fits;
Your polite lie soon will trip
When loose lips undo wits.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Riding the Thirsty Mule: Norford's Story

As Tina timidly bowed to the applause for her poem, Norford wheeled himself to the kitchen to fetch the spice cake. He brought it to the table where Franklin sat and presented it with a small flourish, holding it just short of actual delivery. Franklin took the hint and dug into his purse for the payment required to complete the transaction. Norford set the cake down, sliced it into six pieces (glancing at the mysterious stranger and deciding to include him), and then picked up the coins.

"Franklin, what does your brother think of your coming here?" Norford asked gently. "Does he object to you spending the farm's profits on my few customers who amuse you?"

"It is my money. He got the farm when Da died and I got my share of the animals. Without the armies to feed, we do not have so much market as we did before, so I sold most of mine." Franklin protectively cupped his purse. "I will not be staying here forever," he said.

"Well, now, you do still have some beasts left in your holdings, right?" Norford queried. Franklin nodded. "So then, I was thinking that it has been a long and dull winter for all of us in Havenport. If I had a fattened pig, I could fire up the roasting pit outside and put on a feast like The Thirsty Mule used to serve for all who care to revel for the day and night. We could use the relief. I have not the money to buy the pig at the moment, but if you might 'loan' me one, I could pay you from my receipts from the feast. In exchange for my story tonight, that is."

"You would pay full price for the hog?" Franklin asked, considering.

"The folks here about will be eager for the chance to party a bit. With a bit of work to spread the word, I feel certain the feast will bring in enough to cover its full price. Do we have a deal?"

"Alright, we have a deal. What is your story?"

Fool's Errand


Minstrel traveled far and wide, for he was consumed with wanderlust. Sometimes he visited the homes of the great and, more often, the not so great. Few ever troubled him when they saw his small stature and motley fool's clothes, for they knew he would do them no physical harm and may instead bring them a few laughs and news of the world in exchange for their welcome.

One day as he crossed into a land he had not visited before, Minstrel met a man dragging a bridle. "What ho, gentle sir? I may be a fool, but even I do not lead behind me an invisible horse."

The unhappy Farmer explained he was heading home from a visit to his Lord's keep. He had ridden there that morning to protest the ill-timed taxes the Lord was exacting on his serfs. But instead of being granted relief, Farmer's horse was confiscated. "You best turn about druther than look for welcome there," Farmer advised him. "The Lord be the stingiest man ever born. Alas, what will I tell my wife and child? And how will I plow the fields?"

Minstrel opened his sack and asked Farmer to sit with him a while. As they nibbled on some of Minstrel's final pinches of bread and finished his water, they talked about the unhappy affairs in this land. At last, Minstrel offered Farmer the rest of his supplies for his family (although it was but a small cheese, two carrots, and a few bites of bread). "I regret that my pockets and my pouch are too empty to give you much comfort at this time," Minstrel said, "but if you have a dog and can come back to the castle along this road at cock's crow two mornings hence, leading your dog in this bridle, and I will see what I can do to help."

Puzzled but grateful, Farmer said he did have a dog and promised to do it. Farmer bade Minstrel farewell. Minstrel continued to the small village outside the keep's walls. He explored the marketplace and chatted with the merchants. He stopped at the stall of a green grocer and asked if he might rest on a barrel in return for a song. Grocer cordially invited him to sit. Minstrel brought forth his lute and he started to sing.

Oh, do not ask the fool
Whether you should fiddle
Or better you faddle.
For he knows both are true;
Either to future weave
Or else all unravel.

Why should you pay the fool
Who sings of everything
And all nothing as well?
For he hides where all see;
Both his bravest terror
And his weakest assail.

Oh, do not ask the fool
For advice in your joy
Or caution in your folly.
For he says both are false;
Neither the only course
Nor sure 'til you sally.

I once asked of the fool
Where my future did lay
And which path to follow.
But he said, spin around;
Both to see where I came
And to where I will go.

Now I am that same fool,
Dizzy in the new world
That awakes each morning.
I see too many ways;
So choose to go or stay --
From me, heed no warning.

As Minstrel sang, a crowd gathered at Grocer's stall. While there, some people examined his wares and made purchases. Grocer was pleased with the increase in his business. "Thank you kindly for your song, Minstrel," Grocer said. "Do you indeed foresee the future but not tell anyone what it will be? It seems poor business to make no use of such a gift."

"No, it is not the future I see, but two futures that compete for reality. Many seem quite silly, but they may happen as truly as their twins. What would it profit you to hear of a future you do not choose? And why pay me for the one you will choose on your own?"

"But maybe I would choose differently if I knew both." Grocer looked at Minstrel imploringly. "Could you give me a small hint?"

"I see today you brought one bushel of turnips and sold only a few. Tomorrow, if you wear your cap upside-down and your shirt inside-out and fill your cart with turnips, you will sell them all," Minstrel said, "but most will be at half the price you ask today. But if you bring none, you will sell none and wish you had brought many. A day later may be too late. Well, that is the advice of a fool and you have been warned of its value. I am rested now and I thank you."

"Again, thank you, Minstrel. Here, please take an apple for your song. And your advice," Grocer said.

"For the song. The advice is free." Minstrel strolled away, eating the apple leisurely as he explored further. Others in the marketplace who had heard his song or of the rumors of his future sight approached him to ask what he foresaw for them. To each he repeated his warning of the worthlessness of his advice, but he gave in to their eagerness and made his two-sided predictions. To some, he gave similar choices of tomorrow's inverted clothing and many half-priced sales versus meager sales if they did not oversupply their stalls that day. To others, he suggested that a reversed cap or apron or skirt would catch good luck tomorrow, but dressing the same as today would do them no better than it had done today. When they offered him something for his advice, he refused unless he provided a song, the only trade item he had of real value, he claimed. Many accepted the bargain with thoughts that they were twice rewarded for the same price. Thus he collected some coins and food to refill his purse and sack.

Later that afternoon, an officer and two soldiers from the castle stopped Minstrel in the marketplace. Minstrel said fearfully, "Oh, I have taken nothing but in exchange for a song. I am only a traveling minstrel. I have done no harm."

The officer answered, "Fear not, Minstrel. We have been sent by the Lord to invite you to entertain him tonight. He heard of your presence in his shire and wishes to receive your news. And other services."

Minstrel was escorted into the keep and offered a bed of straw in the servants' quarters. While he waited for dinnertime, he sat in the kitchen, swapping jokes and news with the staff. The story of his gift for prophesy had reached them, but he denied his confused visions had any value. In conversation with the head cook, he said, "I notice that the keep's larders are understocked."

"Aye, the Lord will pinch a coin as long as he can before he will buy supplies," Cook explained. "We spend more time looking for the fixing for a meal often than with its cooking."

"It is just a fool's folly, I assure you, but I learned when fools abound, food is easily found," Minstrel told her.

"What do you mean? Do you have a vision of the future where fools abound? Please tell us."

"It may not happen at all. I never know. But I see a marketplace full of merchants gone mad. They bring more than they could possibly sell in a day. If a shrewd buyer shows up on that day, tomorrow I foresee, he could stock his holds for months to come by buying all they have and only need to offer half the price. But if the madness does not come tomorrow, it may not come at all," Minstrel concluded.

"Perhaps Seneschal and I should check out the market tomorrow," Cook said as she left to find the man entrusted with the Lord's purse.

Shortly later, Minstrel was called into the great hall to entertain for the Lord's dinner. It was not a lavish meal served to Lord, his family, and his retinue. They ate scarcely better than Minstrel's serving of bread and vegetable stew which he gulped in a few bites between songs.

After the meal was consumed, Lord dismissed everyone except Minstrel whom he beckoned to his table. "Minstrel," he asked suspiciously, "Why did you come to my domain? You are a talented lad, but we have had no visits from such as you in a long time."

"I did not come, milord, 'though I be here true enough," Minstrel replied. "For between then and there, I must be some here now. I do not know what next is to be nor how last became no more."

"But I heard that you do see the future," Lord probed.

"Oh, no, milord. It is not so simple as that -- only I am such a simpleton. It is true that my head is often confused with two images of tomorrow. But I cannot be sure which will happen for both seem as likely and as unlikely to me. It is not a vision worth trusting, so I do not try to choose."

"You must choose, Minstrel, for you go forth each day to live one of the two visions you have."

"You are more clever than I, milord, but perhaps I can explain this better. Could you give a copper to demonstrate?" Minstrel asked.

Lord considered this request, but reluctantly reached into his pouch to retrieve the requested coin. "And how will this copper help you explain?" he asked as he hand it to Minstrel.

Minstrel turned over two drinking cups on the table in front of the Lord. "Now, suppose these are two futures that fought in your brain for you to believe they were what tomorrow will bring. I place your coin under one cup. Which do you choose?" Minstrel asked.

"This one with my coin." Lord picked up the cup to reveal the penny.

"Now, suppose that your brain is easily befuddled like mine," Minstrel continued, placing the cup down on the coin again and starting to shuffle the cups back and forth. Lord watched intently, but soon Minstrel had increased the speed beyond his ability to track. "And which do you wish to choose now?"

"I still want my coin back." Lord was mildly annoyed. "But you have indeed confused me. I will choose this one." Lord lifted the cup and smiled when he saw the penny.

"Ah, you got what you wanted, milord. Very good," Minstrel said, "But let's look under the other cup." Minstrel picked up the second cup, and there were two copper coins under it. "I think I would rather have had this cup," he shrugged.

"I thought the other cup had nothing," Lord pouted.

"Yes, I sometimes find that the empty cup hides more despite what my limited wits can see. It did not seem possible, silly even, to believe it so, but although I might choose one path for its straight forward familiarity and logic, it is the unlikely one that might prosper me more." Minstrel scooped up the two coins and returned them to his pouch (from which they had come unseen by Lord).

"And is there some other meaning to this revelation?"

"Has Seneschal asked you for more market money than usual?" Minstrel asked.

"Yes, quite a lot more."

"And you chose to keep your penny, right?"

"Yes," Lord replied, wondering why he should not be thrifty as always.

"Then, tomorrow you shall have your penny. But you will not have the two pennies worth of market goods that a fool's vision thought possible. It is an easy choice for you, but I lack the wits to decide or know what will happen."

"Here, keep this penny, Minstrel, for your advice," Lord said dismissively, pushing the coin across the table to him.

"No, milord, only for the songs. Thank you for the dinner and bed tonight. A peaceful rest to you," Minstrel said as he left.

Lord thought about what Minstrel had said. Twice as much for the same price. He called Seneschal and told him to go to the market tomorrow to find bargains if any exist. "Buy what you can, but do not offer more than half for anything," Lord demanded.

The next morning, although a few merchants had decided to conduct their business as normal, many elected instead to dress in disarray and load all they could on their carts for sale that day. The atmosphere in the market became very festive as they saw others so humorously dressed. Shoppers joined in the gaiety and soon found the merchants eager to bargain large purchases for low prices. Items long buried in their inventories at last found buyers. And the Seneschal did indeed have a very successful shopping spree. Minstrel roamed through the market, performing his songs and receiving the generous thanks from all in his foresight of such a special day.

Minstrel was again invited to the Lord's castle to perform that night. The joy of the marketplace had spread into the castle where more than one could be seen oddly appareled. The cook and her staff were giddy with the profusion of supplies and eager to prepare their finest dishes for that night's meal. "A feast, whether the Lord ordered it or not," they proclaimed.

And indeed, all in the great hall that evening, even Lord, reveled in the improvement of their diet. Minstrel sang and others joined in. The assembly lasted many times longer than the previous night, but finally the Lord and Minstrel were again alone at the head table.

"I took your advice, Minstrel," Lord said gratefully.

"I did not give it," Minstrel replied, "but I am happy that you benefited by it."

"Do you see something for tomorrow?" Lord asked, dismissing Minstrel's denial.

"Yes, as surely as the sun rises, I am always plagued with this bickering couple debating their ridiculous possibilities. Do not trust a fool to advise you, milord," Minstrel beseeched him.

"I have a pair of visions, too, Minstrel," Lord joked. "I see that if I pay you well for 'your songs' tonight, you will tell me what tomorrow may bring. But if I pay you a penny as I did yesterday, I will get nothing. Do you think one of my visions might be true?"

"I think both might be true. And both might be false. Are you able to chose which you want tonight?" Minstrel asked.

"It is quite against my nature to waste my money," Lord stated.

"Then, you should keep it, milord. As you did with the cups last night. You chose the more logical as your nature saw it. What happened today may not happen again tomorrow."

"I have not seen my people behave like today ever before. Has my nature mislead me and them? Here, Minstrel, a purse rather than a penny. Will you tell me what you foresee?"

"Very well. If you arise at dawn and look to the west, you will see a farmer who hopes to train his dog to plow his fields. His horse is in your stable, eating your grain, and he does not have the normal means to produce a crop this year. But if you arise at noon and look to the east, you will see nothing that you did not see there today." Minstrel made a small bow and swept the Lord's purse from the table to his belt. "Do you know when you will awake tomorrow?"

"Is this Farmer who came to complain yesterday?" asked Lord. "He said he could not pay his levies until summer."

"Dogs may do wondrous things when we do not wonder whether they do anything at all. Perhaps you will yet receive Farmer's taxes. Or perhaps not. I think this silly nonsense, but you might be wiser."

"I shall meet Farmer along the road and exchange his horse for his wondrous dog," said Lord. "Tomorrow's eastern view does not offer me anything, but there is profit to the west." Lord was pleased with his decision.

And thus, Farmer did get his horse back that next morning. Lord even decided to let him keep (and feed) the dog. Lord and Farmer agreed to an extension on when the payments were due.

As Lord returned to his castle from his morning errand, he met Minstrel at the gate, ready to continue his wandering.

"Minstrel, you must stay. I need your visions to help guide me," Lord implored.

"No, I must go. You must stay. But not necessarily as you were. As you told me last night, you have twin visions, too," Minstrel jested. "Spin around, milord, and see more of what surrounds you. When you choose, you may find paths you never traveled before take you to the best places you have never been before." With that, Minstrel twirled around several times, stopped, and staggered off in the direction his nose was pointing.