Better Safe Than Safari

If ever you meet a crocodile,
Be forewarned about his tricks.
He is not your friend, despite his smile -
He will eat you, just for kicks.

Few are as snobbish as a giraffe,
With his nose high in the air.
It'll make you want to giggle and laugh,
But you really should not dare.

You might safely laugh with a hyena,
If you understood his joke.
But I would answer a subpoena,
There is no less funny bloke.

Do not be caught counting leopard's spots
That adorn her lovely hide.
The pattern will tie your eyes in knots
And you mustn't insult her pride.

A lion's pride is his foremost prize,
More important than his mane.
Around his wives, you avert your eyes
To show respect for his reign.

The anteater has a sticky tongue
Which she pokes in anyplace.
Take care what tales nearby her are flung,
For she gossips without grace.

You should fear too the monkeys' chatter
Which they screech from tree to tree.
It is rare they say aught to flatter -
They are as mean as mean can be.

You are much safer here in your bed
Than visiting the jungle.
So many warnings to fill your head
To prevent a bad bungle.

But if go you must, well then, you must -
So with my advice, prepare.
Remember all tonight we discussed
And you be careful out there.

Rhino Woes

Gromps, do you know a tale of woe about a rhino?
Um, let me see, this could well be such a story.
I took a trip on a cruise ship with my pal Kip,

We signed as crew, did what such do to get on through
To the Congo - no, we didn't row to a bongo -
But it was rough, the Cap'n was gruff, and we'd enough.

So we jumped off, our caps to doff, troubles to scoff,
And we set out, this land to scout, find what's about.
Inland we went, where there's no rent, with great intent.

Where's the rhino, in this long show? they cry to know.
Settle on down, it's not in town, did Gromps so frown.
He's on the plain, after much rain, so don't complain.

But we'll skip that, if you sit pat. Where was I at?
Upriver there, the sun does glare -- you must beware.
The grass so tall, couldn't see at all, we felt quite small.

We heard a crash; Kip was so brash, off in a flash.
Better to see. Well, just maybe, but gone was he.
But just as quick, I heard him kick and fly past slick.

As I stood still, I got a chill to hear Kip shrill.
For on his tail, a train on rail, followed his trail.
Both huge and gray, with angry bray, it went Kip's way.

Well, I went mine, different line, with faith divine.
I last saw Kip, off the horn's tip, showing great zip.
He ran sprightly, escape could be, but I didn't see.

But I did hear, for the next year, some people cheer -
Tale of a race, a mighty chase, out there someplace.
Some for Kip root, others the brute in hot pursuit.

Some even say they run today, far, far, astray.
Here is my tip - you ought to skip a bet on Kip;
Though Kip is fast, that rhino cast was built to last.

Riding My Camel on the Beach

Ever once upon an autumn
I do get up off my bottom,
And I go ride my camel on the beach.
I admit it is not often
When my self-control does soften,
And we two do all propriety breach.

Now, you may think I am kidding
'Bout a camel at my bidding
When the whimsy held within me breaks loose.
He'll only so long be hidden
Before he insists to be ridden --
It is he who this mischief does induce.

As I bounce there between his humps,
A freedom into my heart pumps,
And I feel I can see all that there is.
As my camel so wildly romps
With no heed of castles he stomps,
I mentally enter the world that's his.

He rules the sands where he proceeds
And displays not a lot of speeds,
For where he goes he really does not care.
He has not a worry in his head
About the path he chose to tread,
For there, there will be, when at last he's there,

Whenever we go anywhere,
It seems most people point and stare
To see someone ride a camel past them.
They should have little cause to fear
As long as they are not too near
When that camel launches his mighty sputum.

He won't stop to apologize
If the sight of him shocks their eyes,
For, to him, there is naught that's out-of-place.
He has no need to compromise
When none he meets can match his size --
Few will ever confront him face-to-face.

We cause more smiles than true scandal,
Even eating some lad's sandal,
And we are gone almost before they know.
When you've a camel to straddle,
Rather than let your brains addle,
Hop on him and see where you two may go.

The Spoiled Hamster

Here is a story I can tell to you
About a spoiled hamster who I once knew.
He was too special to live in a cage
And had his own room, painted blue and beige.

He would sleep past noon - he thought it was cool;
I would tip-toe out when I went to school.
When he awoke, he'd eat ice cream and cake -
Claimed anything else made his tummy ache.

He hired two mice to run on his wheel
And would complain when it started to squeal.
His turtle was engaged to oil the rig -
I never was clear how she got the gig.

There was not much that hamster ever did,
But not because anyone had forbid.
It seemed we were all there to wait on him,
And he just lied down and raised not a limb.

You'll likely not see one that weighs a pound
And is barely as long as it is round.
But that was to be this spoiled hamster's fate -
You know that I never exaggerate.

So you be careful - don't ask for too much;
And do not use other folks as a crutch.
Get up, go outside, and run, jump, and leap -
But not right now -- it's time for you to sleep.