What's So Funny?

I could use a good laugh. Even a simple chuckle might be a start. But at the moment, the world around my workstation is humorless.

It's easy enough to say I am depressed. Or stressed. Or both. Things seem bad with a bunch of worse waiting around the corner.

My imaginary friends have noticed my mood and elected to keep their distance. No romps into fantasy lands with them in the near future seem likely. I am stuck in reality.

There are parts of reality that aren't so bad, but I am not visiting them either right now. No, I am sitting at work, looking at my past pass down the drain and a future view that only annoys me.

And everyone is so cheerful and confident about that future they selected. Or had selected for them. Everyone except me. Why should I be different? Why should I see the road ahead full of potholes while everyone else just sees a road to places they have never explored before? All roads are bumpy, they say.

I could use a good laugh. Or a good cry perhaps.

---

Save the Last Laugh for Me

tune: Save the Last Dance Fro Me

You can work
Every task with the app
That fell in your lap –
That’s where it slid.

You can run
Any reports on its menu
That it promised you
In its contract bid.

But, don’t forget who got you here
And in whose shadow you’re gonna be.
O DOC,
Save the last laugh for me, mmm.

Oh I know
PAS is old
And seemed so cold
You had to let it go.

Spec and shop
But beware off-the-shelf
Written to serve itself –
They’ll tell you “No”.

Oh, you’ll forget who got you here
And in whose shadow you’re gonna be.
O DOC,
Save the last laugh for me, mmm.

You must dance
Every dance they tell you
And do it as they do
In their own design.

When you ask
To do what has been,
It will make them grin –
To wishlist consign.

Maybe you’ll recall who got you here
And in whose shadow you’re gonna be.
O DOC,
Save the last laugh for me, mmm.

Legacy

When you tell the tale of my passing through,
Will only kind words be what is spoken?
Will you forget the times I frustrated you
With nit-picking obstinacy unbroken?

Will my help in building what you tore down
Be swept away with its demolition?
Will lasting memory be of my frown
And not of my skills as Data Magician?

I am tired now and would wish to rest
With the products of my past glories.
Though I sought to have always done my best,
You have gone elsewhere to hear new stories.

I cannot guide you on your chosen path,
But am I willing to tag on behind?
My years of service now but simple math
As to retirement I slowly grind.

Day of the Groundhog

"Honey, are you awake?" Cayley nudged Phil.

"No," Phil replied. "For crying out loud, it's the middle of winter"

"That is just the point, Phil," insisted Cayley. "We are halfway through our winter stores. Are we going to make it to Spring?"

"You worry about this every year. We've always made it -- come back here and snuggle with me."

"We need to plan and ration for the duration. We need to know how much more winter there is going to be this year."

"Do you know how much snow I dig through every year to give you a prediction? Do you know how cold it is out there in February? No, of course not. Every year it's 'Phil, go take a look' while you stay snugly buried in the warm burrow."

"Oh, c'mon, Phil, go take a look. I'll warm you up when you get back."

Resignedly, Phil arose. "For you, dear, 'cause I love you," he said aloud, albeit half-heartedly. "And 'cause you aren't going to stop until I do," he muttered to himself.

For the next half-hour, Phil dug slowly upwards, dozing off briefly a couple of times until he heard Cayley calling out below. He broke through to the surface, stood up, and looked around. Then he retreated to the burrow, collapsing the temporary tunnel behind him.

"Well?" asked Cayley.

"They had on heavy coats, but it was sunny enough that at least half were unbuttoned. Six more weeks until Spring. Now can we go back to bed?"