A Walk in the World

I once took a walk in the woods
To learn what the world might teach me.
I roamed in nature’s neighborhoods
Where none ever heard of Nietzsche.

I listened to the songs of birds
‘Til I thought I caught their meaning.
From their chirps, tweets, and warbled words
The birds’ knowledge I started gleaning.

Then came chatters from the tree branch
As squirrels offered opinion;
Such cussing words to make me blanch,
Asserting it's their dominion.

A patrolling buck gave a huff,
And nesting duck an angry quack.
The porcupine was very gruff,
And the chipmunk just turned its back.

We might be welcome for a stroll,
But eavesdropping is not polite.
Quiet refresh is a worthy goal,
But do not Dolittle, alright?

Ponytail for Christmas

(tune: I'm Getting Nuttin' for Christmas)

I broke so bad all my habits
Corona’s gotten to me
I lived like cloistered abbots
Corona’s gotten to me
I hunkered down in my house
Just me and my patient spouse
Precaution let nothing us rouse
Corona’s gotten to me

     Oh, I’m getting a ponytail for Christmas
     My hair has grown way out to there
     I’m getting a ponytail for Christmas
     ‘Cause I haven’t seen a barber all year.

I sat all day in my easy chair
Corona’s gotten to me
Active as a sleeping bear
Corona’s gotten to me
I watched TV as in a trance,
Gave no risk the slightest chance,
Saw the world with a passing glance
Corona’s gotten to me

     Oh, I’m getting a ponytail for Christmas
     My hair has grown way out to there
     I’m getting a ponytail for Christmas
     ‘Cause I haven’t seen a barber all year.

I had no reason to groom
Corona’s gotten to me
When I never left the room
Corona’s gotten to me
But, wait, my wife is ready to flip
With scissors in hand to neatly clip
From my head my locks to strip
Corona’s gotten to me

     I’ll not get a ponytail for Christmas
     Nor wear my long hair in a bow
     I’ll not get a ponytail for Christmas
     ‘Cause my wife is my barber now.

Up On Your Rooftop

(tune: Up on the Rooftop)

Up on your rooftop snowflakes fall
Piles up maybe two feet tall
Down it comes all day and night
All the weight overhead
Homeowners fright

Chorus
   Ho, ho, ho
   Who shouldn’t go
   Ho, ho, ho
   Who shouldn’t go
   Up on the rooftop
   Think, think, think
   Don’t slip off shingles like
   A skating rink

First comes the frostbite
In the wind
Oh, hot cocoa
Blood has thinned
Chilled to the bone
You start to shake
Muscles then rebel
And back to ache

Chorus
   Ho, ho, ho
   Who shouldn’t go
   Ho, ho, ho
   Who shouldn’t go
   Up on the rooftop
   Think, think, think
   Don’t slip off shingles like
   A skating rink

Next comes dizziness
In your head
Oh, uneven slope
Beneath your tread
Balance is challenged
As slowly you creep
It’s just one misstep
And down in a heap.

Chorus
   Ho, ho, ho
   Who shouldn’t go
   Ho, ho, ho
   Who shouldn’t go
   Up on the rooftop
   Think, think, think
   Don’t slip off shingles like
   A skating rink

Trumpy the Conman

(tune: Frosty the Snowman)

Trumpy the conman
Was a dark and hateful soul
With a twisted lie and spit in your eye
And his heart made out of coal.

Trumpy the conman
Made his partners pay to play
And were they surprised when
Before their eyes
From their deals he walked away.

There must have been some power
In those mean tricks that he played
For reality warped in his head
As his own truths he made.

Trumpy the conman
Was bigly great so he thought
And his cronies bowed
And his foes were cowed
As all honesty he fought.

Trumpy the conman
Thought politics might pay well
So he said let’s run
But somehow he won
And started our descent to Hell

So down went all standards
He callously swept away
Rampaging here and there, everywhere,
Saying what can I wreck today?

He led us down just like a clown
To the very lowest places
And he never paused a moment when
He threw mud in our faces.

Trumpy the conman
Lost his reelection bid
But he won’t say goodbye
Saying I’ve lies to try
And don’t care what voters did.

Trumpy, trump, trump,
Trumpy, trump, trump,
Listen to Trumpy lie,
Trumpy, trump, trump
Trumpy, trump, trump,
I won’t miss that guy!

Ding Dong! The Trump Has Lost

Americans (at 51% of them):
   Ding Dong! The Trump has lost.
   Which old Trump? All the Trumps!
   Ding Dong! The MAGA Trump has lost.
   Wake up – clear your head, rub your eyes, he has lost.
   Wake up, the Mean Old Trump’s been tossed.
   He's gone, must leave the show, Off to Mar-a-lago.
   Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
   Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
   Let them know -- The Mean Old Trump has lost!
Pelosi (to Biden):
   As Speaker of the House, In the Country of the Land of US,
   I welcome you most regally.
Guiliani:
   But we've got to verify it legally, to see
Pelosi:
   To see?
Guiliani:
   If he
Pelosi:
   If he?
Guiliani:
   Has morally, ethically
Ellis:
   Spiritually, physically
Powell:
   Positively, absolutely
Americans:
   Undeniably and reliably Lost.
SCOTUS:
   As Supreme Arbitrator we must aver, we thoroughly
       examined this.
   And he has not only merely lost, he has really most
       sincerely lost.
Pelosi:
   Then this is a day of Independence
   For all the Americans (at least democrats)
Biden:
   If any.
Pelosi:
   Yes, let the joyous news be known
   The Nasty Old Trump at last is gone!

Shopping Visit with COVID

Thanks to Clement Clarke Moore for the poetic bones

‘Twas a month before Christmas, we were stuck in the house,
Nobody out shopping, just me and my mouse;
The stockings were unstuffed, limp in their hooks,
In hopes that we could fill them from our PC notebooks.
The children were oblivious of the changes this year,
With heads full of excitement that Christmas was near.
But mamma with her wish list and I at my screen
Were settling down with a large pot of caffeine.

We fired up the laptop and started its browser,
Mamma the navigator and I the clicking mouser.
Up flew the windows full of treasures and trash,
All available for a few piles of our cash.
The glow from the laptop upon our faces
Added to the allure of the digital showcases.
I feared I would be an all-night web hopper,
When up popped an online personal shopper.

An animated avatar with a gleaming smile
Was eager to complete our shopping profile.
As rapid as bits and bytes of data could fly,
She compiled the info she needed to buy.
“Now Macy’s, now Ebay, now Target and Costco,
On Amazon, Etsy, and on The Home Depot.
Into the online cart! Onto your credit card!
Holiday shopping does not need to be hard.”

As snowflakes are entrancingly tossed on the breeze,
Costs mounded with taxes, shipping and handling fees.
So up to our credit limits, the purchases grew;
Gifts for children, parents, and the mailman, too.
With sounds of coins tinkling, I thought of my bank
And how quickly then my account balances sank.
As I shrugged and watched her continue to shop,
I wondered what on earth could make her stop.

She was drawn on my screen as small lively elf,
Resembling somewhat the imp on our shelf.
A clipboard of our data she held in her arm,
With sprinkles of glitter enhancing her charm.
Ages, sexes, sizes, and dietary restrictions
She spun together for purchase predictions.
She knew all the sites where to find the best deal,
And when she found one, she gave the cutest squeal.

Gladly, she auto-filled the forms for each order,
Arranging the best terms the site would accord her.
With a check off her list, she moved on to the next,
Confirming the details recorded in the specs.
She took such joy fulfilling each requested task
With so much verve, we clicked “yes” when she would ask.
A wink of her eye as I watched her fudge it,
Soon made me trust she would stay within our budget.

Without a pause, she did our whole shopping list,
Each gift bought, shipped, and electronically kissed.
She asked if there was more she could do today
And requested we complete the company’s survey.
We thanked her profusely and saw her pink blush,
And with other users waiting, she needed to rush.
As she faded from the screen, I thought I could hear,
“That was a blast! Let’s do it again next year!”

Dreaming of COVID Christmas

(tune: White Christmas)

I’m dreaming of COVID Christmas
Unlike any I’ve known before.
Where joy seems trying
And we’re all sighing
To rue changes we can’t ignore.

I’m dreaming of COVID Christmas
With every card I write tonight.
May your house be safe and airtight
And may you get this card alright.

I’m dreaming of COVID Christmas
Like I hope we’ll not have again.
We hope to see your smiles
When we can travel miles
To share a happy refrain.

I’m dreaming of COVID Christmas
As a bygone and faded memory.
May we get through this and be free
To gather around next year’s tree.