IRS Tax Day
(tune: My Way, lyrics by Paul Anka,
sung by Frank Sinatra, et al)
And now, the time is here
And so we face the final deadline.
Accounts, we’ll make all clear,
We’ll state income on the right line
We’ve made some cash, that’s sure,
We invested here and there along the way
But now, time has arrived, IRS tax day.
Expenses, we’ve had a few,
Too few to itemize deductions;
We filled forms as best we do
And made sure to subtract exemptions.
We checked math at each step,
Each detailed line in the taxing fray
And now, the money’s due, IRS tax day.
Yes, it’s the time, I’m sure you know,
When we say bye and watch our cash go.
Something to do nothing about;
Checkbooks open and we shell out.
Through all, we hear the call, IRS tax day.
We earned, saved, and invested;
Some shares gaining, others losing.
And now, dues are requested
And there seems just no refusing
To think companies do too
And yet they say, not in a shy way,
No, we do not pay on IRS tax day.
For what is a man, what has he got?
The IRS will tax the lot.
But aren’t companies people too
And should pay their taxes as they’re due
When their math’s done, their income is gone
On IRS tax day.
IRS Tax Day!
El Rana
(tune: El Paso, by Marty Robbins)
Out in the Florida swamp called Big Muddy
I fell in love with an enchanting frog
Nighttime would find me waist deep in the water
Pepena would sing as she sat on a log
Sweet as music were the croaks of Pepena
Surely and slowly I was under her spell
My love was deep for this small amphibian
I was in love but in vain I could tell
One night a strange young bullfrog stopped by
Swollen up like a balloon
Belching and honking, he attracted the eye
Of pretty Pepena, the frog that I loved
So in anger I
Challenged his right for the love of my girl frog
Out flew his tongue to snatch a dragonfly
I answered with bug spray to poison his prey
The bullfrog croaked there in a blink of an eye
In a moment all went totally silent
Shocked by the pollutant I sprayed about
Swamp creatures stared at me with rage rising
I had one choice and that was to get out
Out of Big Muddy I splashed so quickly
Fast as my legs could churn
I reached the dry land, ahead of the mad band,
Jumped in my Jeep and the rubber did burn
Just as far as I
Could from the Florida swamp of Big Muddy
Out of all wetlands I used to study
Back in the city my life seemed so pointless
My herpetology degree was a waste
But I dreamt of my beautiful Pepena
My love drew me back to the place I disgraced
I packed my bag and loaded up my car
Driving all night on back roads
"Maybe the next day a predator will find me
But I must get back before my head explodes"
At dawn I got to
The dusty parking lot at the Big Muddy
I heard it singing its sweet song to me
My love was strong and it drew me swamp-ward
Into the muck my Pepena to see
Off to my right a Crocodylus acutus
All around me swarmed Aedes aegypti
Splashing and slashing, I couldn’t let them get me
I had to reach Pepena ‘though I might die
Something was dreadfully wrong for I feared
A. piscivorus swim here
‘Though I must walk through this murky water
I struggled on almost frozen with fear
‘Though my love for
Pepena was wrong, yet perversity raged
‘Though I was scared I can’t stifle the need
I saw her log where so often I watched her
Now for all their forgiveness I must plead
From under a leaf, Pepena sat besides me
Oh, a Rana okaloosae so near
I cradled her between my loving fingers
One little kiss and I changed my career.
Anhedonia
(tune: Pachalafaka, by Irving Taylor (1958)
Also sung by Soupy Sales and by the Muppets)
Anhedonia, anhedonia
It’s sweeping all over the nation
Anhedonia, anhedonia
A symptom of our long stagnation
Oh, I know the term
Will make you sadly squirm
For it reminds us of bygone days
There’s no pleasure in
This year’s endless tailspin
Leavin’ us in a bleary weary daze.
It’s not apathy
Nor quite misery
For those don’t express what we’re feeling
Even fiddlesticks or
I-can’t-get-no-kicks
Just don’t describe with what we’re dealing
But anhedonia, anhedonia
Makes us wonder if it cured by vaccines
So confused we’ll stay
Lest comes the day
We find out what anhedonia means
We find out what anhedonia means
The Lonely Rabbit Revisited
Oh woe, I am such a wretched rabbit --
Homebound is now a deep-seated habit.
The past year I ate undelivered treats,
And now I think my rump has ingrown pleats.
I used to have a job to do each year,
Now I have nothing as Easter grows near.
Once people would root for me; that was nice;
And now they want to shoot me; maybe twice.
No candy to make, no baskets to fill,
No prep, no eggs, and no children to thrill.
Another Spring gone down the CO-VID drain;
Check back next year if I’m canceled again.
I’m Free
(tune: Born Free (Matt Monro))
I’m free, as free as a sneeze blows,
I’m free from my sweat clothes,
I’m free to leave now my home.
Go free, and crowds will surround me,
Their noise will soon drown me
Each time I go out my door.
I’m free with no walls between us.
I'm free with vaccine inside,
I have no need to hide.
I’m free and I can start living
‘Cause I have been given
Shot two to set me free.
If Ever I Must Grow Up
If ever I must grow up,
Who will I finally be?
You may say I’m not a pup
And I need not wait to see.
But despite those bygone years,
I still visit youth in dreams.
When fog of memory clears,
Little time has passed, it seems.
I yet wish I could believe
In many fantastic things:
Peace and love, the tales I weave,
Simple fixes from magic rings.
You too, grandkids, will grow old
And learn much along your way.
But to some dreams try to hold --
Remember it’s fun to play.
Georgia in the News
(tune: Georgia on My Mind (Hoagy Carmichael))
Georgia, Georgia
Oh, what they do.
Those voting rules there
Keep Georgia in the news.
I said Georgia, Georgia,
What can you do?
It seems mighty clear
You do not like it Blue.
Other folks reach out to vote -
Democracy they promote,
Still in grasping hope you wrote
The rules to favor you.
I said Georgia, Oh Georgia,
No peace I find
Those voting rules there
Keep Georgia on my mind.
Swinging in America
(tune: Swinging on a Star)
Would you like to shoot an AR,
Blow away your prey from afar,
And be scarier than you are?
Or would you rather have the vote?
The vote is a right of adult citizenship
‘Though a right many seem to skip.
Our votes should decide who our leaders are,
Although they often follow their own star.
And by the way, if the news you do not note,
They may be now stealing your vote.
Or would you like to shoot an AR,
Blow away your prey from afar,
And be scarier than you are?
Or would you rather have your health?
Healthcare is an issue most of us take to heart,
A reason from our money we part.
We want relief from injury and disease
But who can believe those drug and doctor’s fees?
If you have insurance or lots of wealth
Maybe you can afford your health.
Or would you like to shoot an AR,
Blow away your prey from afar,
And be scarier than you are?
Or would you rather have safety?
Safety is a commodity in short supply,
Telling the good from the bad guy.
Is each for himself the best way to go
Or does control make security grow?
But if sight of policemen makes you chafe,
You may never feel truly safe.
And all the answers aren’t at hand
And not all march to the same band.
So you see it’s all up to us
Can we be better than we are?
Or do we each need our own AR?
If You Meet A Leprechaun
If you meet a leprechaun,
You should treat him with respect.
He is a phenomenon
With an Irish dialect.
Do not be fooled by his size
Nor smile hidden in his beard.
What he said were not quite lies,
But yet not as they appeared.
You see, he lives by himself,
And sees now a bit of fun.
You are his chance for mischief
And a rare encounter won.
He does not mean to harm you,
But your good is not his goal.
Twisting like a crooked screw,
He wants all in his control.
But if you ever trick him,
Beware of his awful rage.
Fun will become hateful whim
And he will go on rampage.
So, when you meet such a soul,
You do best to back away.
Say hi and keep to your stroll
And you’ll never rue the day.
Finding What You Look For
I thought I saw an unicorn
Happily grazing on my lawn.
I’m fairly sure I saw one horn
‘Though it was still dark before dawn.
There are fairies in my garden
Tending flowers that they’re guarding.
When I pick one I ask their pardon,
But I can feel their glares harden.
The gnome living under that tree
Thinks that he is hidden from me.
I admit he is hard to see,
But small footprints hint where he be.
I suspect a troll lives next door --
His unmown yard is an eyesore.
At nights I’m sure I hear him snore.
Despite all, he is my neighbor.
Perhaps it is my fantasy
To see what others do not see.
But such a life often pleases me
To stretch a bit reality.
Happy Pi Day
Throughout the whole world around,
Today is the day we have crowned
To celebrate the ratio
Used by ancients long ago.
March fourteen is three one four,
The first digits of many more.
Archimedes’ constant, pi,
Circle girth by two radii.
Area equals pi r squared,
But round is how pie’s prepared.
Today make the festive pledge
To honor pi with a wedge.
Buttering Up Your Bread
On which side is your bread buttered
Or is it Fluffer-nuttered?
Did you put on the slathered fat
Or need someone else to do that?
Butter is a most tasty treat
Making better all that you eat.
But unless on your friends you snack,
From buttering them up, hold back.
Save your butter for better things -
Use only for the fun it brings.
Buttering up the boss is wrong,
If workers are to get along.
But what when Boss butters the bread
And sees extra to you is fed?
May you accept such a favor
Of a treat which you so savor?
It is hard to see as a debt
When we are pampered as a pet.
Perhaps nothing back will be asked
And you will never feel harassed.
Playing favorites is a game
That is tricky by any name.
But it is one both sides might choose,
Hoping that nobody will lose.
We'll Go Once More A-Roving
(Thank you to Lord Byron)
Soon we'll go once more a roving
Staying out all the night,
Getting economy moving,
And hopes again burning bright.
For COVID outwore its dread,
And vaccine raised up its shield,
And though we must mourn our dead,
Now we can go afield.
Through this pandemic we strove,
But threat may return again,
Yet we'll go once more out to rove --
May loss not be in vain.
COVID Vaccine Dues
(tune: Folsom Prison Blues)
I see the vaccine coming, it’s rolling on her cart
I ain’t seen such a crowd since the COVID start
I’m stuck in my livingroom and it’s losing its charm
But vaccine is rolling near to shoot me in the arm
When COVID was first starting, the governor told me
“Citizens, let’s be smart, let’s lockdown for safety.”
But she shot me once today just so I won’t die,
When I saw that needle coming, I released a long held sigh.
I know there’s still folks waiting in their lonely home
They’re maybe drinking too much and wishing they could roam.
Well, my first turn is coming, I know I’m not quite free,
But those people will too be shot, and then they can see me.
When they shoot me again, and they let me leave the house,
I bet I will go a little farther with my spouse,
Far from my livingroom, maybe some vacations,
Then I will hurry home, back to my TV stations.
Making It Real
We can talk of many concepts,
Debate and even write them down,
But they’re unreal if none accepts
They are rooted in the solid ground.
So it is for Democracy,
That implausible way to live.
In theory it seems near crazy,
To make our neighbors combative.
How simple to be told what’s right
By a wise and God named ruler.
Let the informed say when to fight
And not some offended dueler.
Might you trust in the guy next door
If the adequate rules were made?
To welcome some distant vote more
With careful foundation laid?
It is a challenge to be met
To change theory into nation.
We have not got it quite right yet,
But it’s not imagination.
When you can see and I agree,
The abstract gains reality.
The pure concept may never be,
But we don’t live in fantasy.
Filibustering the Future
The future is coming down the tracks
With little time for us to relax.
Perhaps what will come can be delayed,
But it will go where the tracks were laid.
Will a mighty wind destroy the rails
Or divert destiny on to sails?
To protest your fate is still your right
Although unlikely you win the fight.
Must we listen to your droning plea
If, in my turn, you listen to me?
What protects your rights is my consent
To respect what we each represent.
To clarify:
To respect does not mean we agree -
It means you allow me to be me.
I may not like what you want to do,
But if so you want, then you be you.
But there are limits to be enforced -
Evil thoughts from actions must be divorced.
I may think and say what I desire,
But I may not set your house on fire.
Stir Crazy After This Past Year
(tune: Still Crazy After All These Years by Paul Simon)
I sat in my old chair
In my house last night
It seemed so much the same old
I just whiled
Away watching the same shows
And threw back a few more snacks
Stir crazy after this past year
Stir crazy after this past year
I’m not the kind of man
Who tends to socialize
But I did go out
In those bygone times
‘Though I did not need to bar-hop,
A movie date was okay
Stir crazy after this past year
Stir crazy after this past year
Still under warnings
Masked up
Hiding
Waiting for my vaccine
Give me patience
Hold on now
It’s all gotta end
Now I sit by my TV
And I watch the news
I wonder if I’ll get loose
One fine day
When I would not be infected
By a crowd of my peers
Stir crazy after this past year
Stir crazy
Stir crazy
Stir crazy after this past year
Wilderness Warnings
I know you want to go camping,
In some forest to be tramping.
But before you go, please pay heed,
And I know some things you may need.
You do not want to chase a skunk,
Even one sleeping on your bunk.
Let this advice deeply sink in
Or else you will come home stinking.
It’s awesome to see a wild moose,
Peacefully munching on a spruce.
He (or she) will not bite on you,
But could dismiss you black and blue.
Bears have an active nose for food,
And your knapsack smells mighty good.
You might hang your food in a tree
But if one gets it, let him be.
You cannot hug a porcupine,
So don’t invite him near to dine,
Bring in footwear at night with you,
Or for your sweat he’ll eat your shoe.
Danger does not depend on size -
Beware swarming gnats and biting flies.
Even plants rooted to the ground
Can make you itch and bring a frown.
So, enjoy yourself while out there -
But I will stay safe in my chair.
The great outdoors may delight you -
I prefer critters in a zoo.
COVID Love Song
(tune: Running Bear by Johnny Preston)
In the deep red Texas lived Billy Bob, young besotted swain,
While in New York, far away, was his beloved Marilou Jane.
From the blue state, she would not travel, nor have him come to her.
During COVID to see each other, they zoomed to confer.
Marilou Jane loved Billy Bob
With a love over the ‘net.
Billy Bob loved Marilou Jane
With needs that were unmet.
He couldn’t fly across the country ‘cause most flights were disallowed.
For his Marilou Jane he would have bravely faced any crowd,
But Marilou Jane would not risk it, ‘though so lonely at home;
During COVID in her blue state, from seclusion she would not roam.
Marilou Jane loved Billy Bob
With a love over the ‘net.
Billy Bob loved Marilou Jane
With needs that were unmet.
Billy Bob drove from Texas, Marilou Jane did not stir;
No lockdowns or regulations would stop him reaching her.
When he got there, he proposed marriage outside her door,
But she said, “Without long distance, I can’t love you anymore.”
Billy Bob loved Marilou Jane
With a love over the ‘net.
Marilou Jane loved Billy Bob
Only if they never met.
Give Me Patience
Oh, please, give me patience,
As soon as possible,
To get me through my day.
Or a steady cadence,
If that’s impossible,
To hold boredom at bay.
What’s next, I seem to ask,
With too much frequency,
As the hours slowly pass.
I hate to end a task,
Fighting delinquency
And my idle morass.
Endless life of leisure,
Unkind backhanded curse,
Appears to be my doom.
Here to get my pleasure,
Writing a silly verse,
And never leave this room.
Dragon Under My Bed
When I was young a dragon lived under my bed;
His name was Fwenderyll, but I just called him Fred.
He was an ancient fellow as dragons grow,
For they shrink as they age, as you may not yet know.
When the world was still new, ‘though not as new as he,
He emerged from lava alongside the South Sea.
In form, he was a lump of ten or twelve tons;
Even dragon moms can’t recognize newborn sons.
Slowly his stony shell filled with volcanic gas,
Adding shape and volume but without much more mass.
To float on molten rock, then to lift in the air,
With mighty wings sprouting to get him here to there.
“Aw, the glory!” Fred would sigh when he told me his tale,
“Around the world, in the turn of the moon, to sail.”
But with his first great roar, a dragon learns his fate,
With loss of heat and gases, he begins to deflate.
Oh, there are ways to add to one’s longevity;
Good diet, shed some weight, to fight off brevity.
A smart dragon can last a good long while or two
If, early on, he can learn the tricks he must do.
So, indeed, Fred watched the dinosaurs come and go;
He also ate two or three each week, don’t you know.
He would not eat an unicorn - it didn’t feel right -
But he liked to eat a mammoth every night.
But such snacks went extinct, so Fred became more lean,
And as prey were his size, they appeared twice as mean.
Fred shrank more and became a vegetarian;
That gave him gas with diet so agrarian.
He no longer had to fly and so gave up his wings.
He took up art and books, and other earthbound things.
He claimed to have studied ethics with old Plato
And taught him how to look only at the shadow.
I admit I often did not grasp all Fred said
As a mere lad with a dragon under my bed.
But if you check tonight and see one under yours,
Be kind, share a cookie, and enjoy his wild tours.
THINKING, FAST and SLOW
Daniel Kahneman wrote a book
Into our brains to take a look.
I might believe his words too quick
If System 2 doesn’t get a kick.
Is “what you see is all there is”
Enough for you to solve the quiz?
Why wake your lazy, slower mate
When you do not need to debate?
We will recognize what is there
And give what is not little care.
We can still chew gum while we walk;
We guess and explain ‘til we balk.
Past our bias comes a creeping doubt;
We start to check our story out.
A bit of math, a few more facts,
Enough to let our minds relax.
Or perhaps more deeply we focus
In our flow of hocus-pocus.
Perhaps outside our little scheme
We recall the general theme.
But when into such thought we sink,
Econ or Human do we think?
Will rational sense make the choice,
Or will we hear emotion’s voice?
When later this book I recall,
I surely won’t remember all.
Perhaps I might read it again,
If I forget the mental strain.
My flaws, I guess, are good to know,
‘Though I wonder how much they show.
Likely more to your sight than mine
Around which they secretly entwine.
Thanks for the recommendation
About our mental gyration.
I may see the world as the same,
But now my mistakes have a name.
It's My Party
(Trump Victory Song)
It’s my party and I’ll lie if I want to
Lie if I want to
Lie if I want to
You should lie too if I am to like you
Nobody knows where Mitch and Mitt have gone
But Susan left the same time.
Was Nancy holding their hands
When they are supposed to be mine?
It’s my party and I’ll lie if I want to
Lie if I want to
Lie if I want to
You should lie too if I am to like you
They played all the clips about my Big Lie,
Showed the patriots going wild.
But my friends sided with me,
So now I am not exiled
It’s my party and I’ll lie if I want to
Lie if I want to
Lie if I want to
You should lie too if I am to like you
Kamala and Joe just walked through the door
Like a queen and her puppet king
Oh, what an election surprise
She’s wearing my royal ring.
It’s my party and I’ll lie if I want to
Lie if I want to
Lie if I want to
You should lie too or I’m coming for you
Dems’ Turn to Cry
(Trump Triumphant Trumpetting)
‘Cause now it’s the Dems turn to cry
The Dems’ turn to cry
The Dems’ turn to cry
The Party has come back to me.
Aww, when Congress impeached with some from my party
And denied my rights as king,
I shut down and almost couldn’t lie;
Now that was a foolish thing.
‘Cause now it’s the Dems turn to cry
The Dems’ turn to cry
The Dems’ turn to cry
The Party has come back to me.
Well, it hurt me so to see them jumping ship
I felt like making a scene.
All of my lies fell on deaf ears
‘Cause those RINOs were so mean.
But now it’s the Dems turn to cry
The Dems’ turn to cry
The Dems’ turn to cry
The Party has come back to me.
Oh, when I saw them kissing up to the Dems
Said I can ride in other boats.
The Grand Old Poobahs thought better
‘Cause they know I have the votes.
So now it’s the Dems turn to cry
The Dems’ turn to cry
The Dems’ turn to cry
The Party has come back to me.
Now I Own You
(Trump Unfettered)
Now I own you
I will not ever just go away.
Now I own you
Don’t you ever again go astray.
And don’t tell me what to do
Don’t say what I can’t say
Now I am the one telling you
Don’t try to rein me in ‘cause
Now I own you
I will not ever just go away.
Now I own you
Don’t you ever again go astray.
I will tell you what to say
I will tell you what to do
Stay in line is all I ask
If you know what’s good for you.
I’m strong and I am never wrong
I’m free and you can’t touch me
I live my life the way I want
To lie and cheat with liberty.
I will tell you what to say
I will tell you what to do
Stay in line is all I ask
‘Cause you know now I own you.
Whew, Made It!
There was an old man from Delaware
Who wanted to show we could still care.
He got the most votes,
Despite discord notes,
And now we hope he can get us there.
The Sheep in Wolf's Clothing
You have likely not heard of Clem,
That ovine master of disguise.
The sheep disliked wolves eating them,
But Clem thought how to neutralize.
“They are bigger, that is a plus,
But the flock is more in sheer mass.
They have sharp teeth to munch on us,”
Clem reasoned as he chewed on grass.
“We are meek and they are so mean,
Even fighting with each other.
Wishing as alpha to be seen,
Each trying to best his brother.
“We need to have the top dog here,
As the champion for our side.
The meanest brute to stir their fear
And make them tuck tails, run, and hide.”
And so, Clem swung into action
To organize what they would need.
Six more sheep made up his faction
To practice his deceptive deed.
They fluffed their wool and tucked their necks,
And posed in gymnastic formation.
In four legs and torso they flexed
With Clem, the head, at his station.
Clem tilted his head and howled so loud
The other sheep quaked beneath him.
But they stood fast when next he growled
In a voice frightening and grim.
The wolves came to see who it was
And they could not believe their eyes.
The terrifying sight gave pause,
To see a wolf three times their size.
“This meat is mine, so go away
If you know what is good for you.”
The wolf pack, so filled with dismay,
Cowered off, ever out of view.
So, remember Clem when besieged
With threats too horrible to name.
It is his source of great prestige
To have beat them with their own game.
