Ghost Workers Whom We Hire
(to tune of: "Ghost Riders in the Sky")
An old employee went to work, the same as any day,
And while he settled at his desk, ready to earn his pay,
All at once on his screen arrived an ominous warning;
He was summoned to meet with H.R. later that morning.
Their files were very thick and they archived everything.
They smiled at him as he sat; it was cold and menacing.
Your work, they said, is excellent – we've noticed for some time –
We'd like to keep you with us yet 'though you are past your prime.
Yippie-yi-yay
Yippie-yi-ooh
Some folks ne'er get away.
As he looked 'round the room to see if they might be joking,
He saw the glint in their eyes and that their ears were smoking.
Piles of paper on the table, waiting for blood to sign,
A pledge forever more to vow, “My soul e'er shall be thine.”
We heard you say that you were worried about retirement,
What you could do to fill your days, after your employment.
So if you prefer here to stay to ever play our games,
We will make a place at our side in our eternal flames.
Yippie-yi-yay
Yippie-yi-ooh
Ghost workers whom we hire.
Ghost workers whom we hire.
Ghost workers whom we hire.
Don’t Throw Me Out
(to tune of: "Don't Fence Me In")
Oh, I have years, lots of years of experience to share
Don’t throw me out.
Let me work at my job nestled in my old chair
Don’t throw me out.
Let me come in each day and smell my mornin’ coffee
And listen to the news and swap tales with my posse.
Set me out to greet visitors in the lobby,
(but) Don’t throw me out.
Just wait a bit, do not cashier my old career
Underneath pensioning feet.
While here I sit, let me produce those facts obtuse
That I so oft do repeat.
I want to feel that my life still has some meaning,
As I near those retirement pastures greening;
I know to work’s end I am now careening
(but) Don’t throw me out.
Oh, give me time, just a bit more time to linger.
Don’t throw me out.
Let me find in my mind how to leave this wringer.
Don’t throw me out.
Let me be my old self ‘til I plan another
And enjoy what has been before the next other,
Or let me train my own replacement if you’d rather
(but) Don’t throw me out.
Just four more years, in your employ me to deploy
Wherever I can help out.
To ease my fears, let me fulfill with my tried skill
‘Til this job I can do without.
I want to roam someday in that slower pasture
And sleep until noon with no disaster,
But I have many leisure skills yet to master
(so, please) Don’t throw me out.
On The Off Ramp
(To tune of: "On the Road Again" (Willie Nelson version))
On the ramp at last -
Time is coming to exit from my jobs past,
That life I live working to do my daily tasks
And I can see approaching its end so fast.
On the ramp at last.
Doing things that I've been asked,
So many things that may be later trashed.
O, I'll need to say goodbye to work amassed.
On the ramp at last -
Like a load of bricks, they built my self image,
They filled my day's glass,
Giving me the reasons to join the scrimmage.
That's the way
To the off ramp at last.
Say farewell to all those whose path I crossed
In the life I worked doing my daily tasks
And leave directions to all the chores I pass
From the ramp at last.
Like a trail of breadcrumbs to lead them to the clue
Through my notes so vast
Hoping they can find what, without me, to do
That's the way
To the off ramp at last.
Just can't stay fore'er in the happy past --
The life I will live is coming near at last
And I need to get ready, so very fast -
Now that I have reached the ramp at last.
Get Along Little Dougie
(To tune of: "Get Along, Little Dogie" )
Whoopee-ti-yi-yo, get along, little Dougie;
It's your retirement to face on your own.
Whoopee-ti-yi-yo, get along, little Dougie;
You know that it's time for you to head home.
Your parents did raise you to work for your living,
And you try to do so, if ne'er too hard.
While we appreciate the effort you're giving,
We are still all signing the farewell card.
Whoopee-ti-yi-yo, move along, little Dougie;
It's your retirement to face on your own.
Whoopee-ti-yi-yo, move along, little Dougie;
You know that it's time for you to stay home.
Some folks join the old rat race for security
That's where they get it most awfully wrong.
You can run 'round the track well past maturity,
But there comes a time when you should be gone.
Whoopee-ti-yi-yo, move over, little Dougie;
You made your fortune, if ever you will.
Whoopee-ti-yi-yo, move over, little Dougie;
Leave so we'll have a position to fill.
O, My Old Job
(to tune of: "O, Shenandoah")
O, my old job, I'm bound to leave you.
I must leave forever.
O, my old job, I'm goin' to miss you.
Away, I'm bound away
To future mystery.
O, my old job, I'd loved my career.
I must leave forever.
O, my old job, beware what is dear.
Away, I'm bound away
To future mystery.
O, my old job, I planned to retire.
I must leave forever.
O, my old job, ne'er thought it so dire.
Away, I'm bound away
To future mystery.
O, my old job, you're always with me.
I must leave forever.
O, my old job, wherever I'll be.
Away, I'm bound away
To future mystery.
Sippy Cocktail Straws
(to tune of: "Tumbling Tumbleweeds")
Look at them rushing around,
Treading water, not to drown,
While at poolside I'll be found,
Sipping mai tais with my sippy cocktail straw.
Cares of the past are behind,
As I peacefully unwind –
Fixes are for others to find.
Sipping mai tais with my sippy cocktail straw.
I knew it was time to leave,
Time for my work's reprieve.
I will just rest right here
Now that I am off that tier,
No troubles to ever hear,
Sipping mai tais with my sippy cocktail straw.
I knew it was time to leave,
Time for my work's reprieve.
I will just rest right here
Now that I am off that tier,
No troubles to ever hear,
Sipping mai tais with my sippy cocktail straw.
