El Rana - Song of a Graduate Student

El Rana

(tune: El Paso, by Marty Robbins)

Out in the Florida swamp called Big Muddy
I fell in love with an enchanting frog
Nighttime would find me waist deep in the water
Pepena would sing as she sat on a log

Sweet as music were the croaks of Pepena
Surely and slowly I was under her spell
My love was deep for this small amphibian
I was in love but in vain I could tell

One night a strange young bullfrog stopped by
Swollen up like a balloon
Belching and honking, he attracted the eye
Of pretty Pepena, the frog that I loved

So in anger I
Challenged his right for the love of my girl frog
Out flew his tongue to snatch a dragonfly
I answered with bug spray to poison his prey
The bullfrog croaked there in a blink of an eye

In a moment all went totally silent
Shocked by the pollutant I sprayed about
Swamp creatures stared at me with rage rising
I had one choice and that was to get out

Out of Big Muddy I splashed so quickly
Fast as my legs could churn
I reached the dry land, ahead of the mad band,
Jumped in my Jeep and the rubber did burn

Just as far as I
Could from the Florida swamp of Big Muddy
Out of all wetlands I used to study

Back in the city my life seemed so pointless
My herpetology degree was a waste
But I dreamt of my beautiful Pepena
My love drew me back to the place I disgraced

I packed my bag and loaded up my car
Driving all night on back roads
"Maybe the next day a predator will find me
But I must get back before my head explodes"

At dawn I got to
The dusty parking lot at the Big Muddy
I heard it singing its sweet song to me
My love was strong and it drew me swamp-ward
Into the muck my Pepena to see

Off to my right a Crocodylus acutus
All around me swarmed Aedes aegypti
Splashing and slashing, I couldn’t let them get me
I had to reach Pepena ‘though I might die

Something was dreadfully wrong for I feared
A. piscivorus swim here
‘Though I must walk through this murky water
I struggled on almost frozen with fear

‘Though my love for
Pepena was wrong, yet perversity raged
‘Though I was scared I can’t stifle the need
I saw her log where so often I watched her
Now for all their forgiveness I must plead

From under a leaf, Pepena sat besides me
Oh, a Rana okaloosae so near
I cradled her between my loving fingers
One little kiss and I changed my career.