Wilderness Warnings

I know you want to go camping,
In some forest to be tramping.
But before you go, please pay heed,
And I know some things you may need.

You do not want to chase a skunk,
Even one sleeping on your bunk.
Let this advice deeply sink in
Or else you will come home stinking.

It’s awesome to see a wild moose,
Peacefully munching on a spruce.
He (or she) will not bite on you,
But could dismiss you black and blue.

Bears have an active nose for food,
And your knapsack smells mighty good.
You might hang your food in a tree
But if one gets it, let him be.

You cannot hug a porcupine,
So don’t invite him near to dine,
Bring in footwear at night with you,
Or for your sweat he’ll eat your shoe.

Danger does not depend on size -
Beware swarming gnats and biting flies.
Even plants rooted to the ground
Can make you itch and bring a frown.

So, enjoy yourself while out there -
But I will stay safe in my chair.
The great outdoors may delight you -
I prefer critters in a zoo.