Shopping Visit with COVID

Thanks to Clement Clarke Moore for the poetic bones

‘Twas a month before Christmas, we were stuck in the house,
Nobody out shopping, just me and my mouse;
The stockings were unstuffed, limp in their hooks,
In hopes that we could fill them from our PC notebooks.
The children were oblivious of the changes this year,
With heads full of excitement that Christmas was near.
But mamma with her wish list and I at my screen
Were settling down with a large pot of caffeine.

We fired up the laptop and started its browser,
Mamma the navigator and I the clicking mouser.
Up flew the windows full of treasures and trash,
All available for a few piles of our cash.
The glow from the laptop upon our faces
Added to the allure of the digital showcases.
I feared I would be an all-night web hopper,
When up popped an online personal shopper.

An animated avatar with a gleaming smile
Was eager to complete our shopping profile.
As rapid as bits and bytes of data could fly,
She compiled the info she needed to buy.
“Now Macy’s, now Ebay, now Target and Costco,
On Amazon, Etsy, and on The Home Depot.
Into the online cart! Onto your credit card!
Holiday shopping does not need to be hard.”

As snowflakes are entrancingly tossed on the breeze,
Costs mounded with taxes, shipping and handling fees.
So up to our credit limits, the purchases grew;
Gifts for children, parents, and the mailman, too.
With sounds of coins tinkling, I thought of my bank
And how quickly then my account balances sank.
As I shrugged and watched her continue to shop,
I wondered what on earth could make her stop.

She was drawn on my screen as small lively elf,
Resembling somewhat the imp on our shelf.
A clipboard of our data she held in her arm,
With sprinkles of glitter enhancing her charm.
Ages, sexes, sizes, and dietary restrictions
She spun together for purchase predictions.
She knew all the sites where to find the best deal,
And when she found one, she gave the cutest squeal.

Gladly, she auto-filled the forms for each order,
Arranging the best terms the site would accord her.
With a check off her list, she moved on to the next,
Confirming the details recorded in the specs.
She took such joy fulfilling each requested task
With so much verve, we clicked “yes” when she would ask.
A wink of her eye as I watched her fudge it,
Soon made me trust she would stay within our budget.

Without a pause, she did our whole shopping list,
Each gift bought, shipped, and electronically kissed.
She asked if there was more she could do today
And requested we complete the company’s survey.
We thanked her profusely and saw her pink blush,
And with other users waiting, she needed to rush.
As she faded from the screen, I thought I could hear,
“That was a blast! Let’s do it again next year!”