If Ever You Would Leave Home

(tune: If Ever I Should Leave You
(Lerner & Loewe, 1960))

If ever you vacation, it shouldn’t be in summer,
For in summer is when the lawn grows.
The grass soaks up sunlight, soon it is knee high,
It chokes the mower, no matter how hard you try.

But if you ever leave home, it shouldn’t be in autumn
Leaves pile up in autumn every time the wind blows.
And all those chores undone now have only weeks
To be completed before frost nips your cheeks.

And can you leave your driveway clogged up with snow
It shows you’re away; every burglar will know.

If ever you would leave home, how could it be in springtime,
Weather in spring is as nice as home gets, you know.
Oh no, not in springtime, summer, winter, or fall
Own a house and you can never leave at all.