Sweepings Off the Floor

Various songs generally written with someone specific in mind to amuse. Saved here for posterity.

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Poppy on the Sonogram

(tune: I'm Popeye the Sailorman,
by Samuel Lerner (1935))

Oh, I’m Poppy on the sonogram.
I’m Poppy on the sonogram.
When I get to the finish,
They’ll make me eat spinach.
Can I just stay where I am?

I’m one cutie fetus,
Rated at least “so sweet plus”,
Who’s growing so big in here.
I stretch out and roll ‘bout
And wish I could go out –
Waiting for the “all clear”

If you looks from my nose to toes
During my next doc exam,
You’ll see my great progress
Towards my new address.
I’m Poppy on the sonogram.

Oh, I’m Poppy on the sonogram.
I’m Poppy on the sonogram.
I’m near to the finish –
Okay, I’ll eat my spinach.
Let’s find out who I really am.

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Off the Road Again

(tune: On the Road Again,
by Willie Nelson (1980))

Off the road again,
I am waiting here off the road again.
A quick swig when I took my eye off of my lane,
And here I am off the road again.

Off the road again,
Goin’ nowhere til I clear my brain,
Seein’ flashing lights coming’ for me again,
And here I am off the road again.

Off the road again,
Like a bunch of chumps, we had too many nips
They’re the best of grains
Distilled spirits sipped before our trips
And our trips

Are off the road again
Just can’t stay on that road again
Seein’ flashing lights coming’ for me again,
And here I am off to jail again.

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Loan Shark’s Anthem

(tune: 500 Miles,
by Hedi West (1961), sung by Joni Mitchell)

If you miss a payment now,
You will go back on your vow.
You will see the interest grow day by day.
That’s fifty more, That’s fifty more,
That’s fifty more, That’s fifty more,
You will see the interest grow day by day.

Add one day. Add two days. Add three days. Add four days.
Now you owe 500 dollars on your loan.
500 dollars, 500 dollars,
500 dollars, 500 dollars,
Now you owe 500 dollars on your loan.

Not a shirt on your back,
Not a penny to your name,
I think that maybe you’ll never pay
Never pay, Never pay,
Never pay, Never pay,
You know I can’t let you get away.

If you miss a payment now,
You will go back on your vow.
You will see the interest grow day by day.
That’s fifty more, That’s fifty more,
That’s fifty more, That’s fifty more,
You will see the interest grow day by day.

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2B70: You've Gotta Be You

(tune: I’ve Gotta Be Me,
by Walter Marks (1968), Sung by Sammy Davis, Jr)

Whether you’re young or whether you’re old,
Whether you are telling the troops,
Or the one being told.
You gotta be you, you gotta be you,
Who else can do you better than you?

You lived a life, with both joy and strife,
You built your career and cared
For your children and wife.
You gotta be you, you gotta be you,
Who else can do you better than you?

You reached for the prize, success in your grasp,
You ran a fine race, you’re still on the track.
Much is behind, more before your last gasp.
Let us pause a while, as we reflect back.

You were not alone, ‘tho you forged the path.
We have and still will cheer you on;
You get more with help, you can do the math.
So you should just continue on,
Whatever you do, we are your crew,
But you’ve gotta be you.

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Winter Freeze

(tune: Summer Breeze,
by Seals & Crofts (1972))

See the lizards droppin’ from the palm trees
In the evening of Florida night
A little cold a-blowin’ in the breeze
Lets us know that’s a weird sight

Winter freeze makes them feel cool
Chillin’ by the jacuzzi at the pool
Winter freeze makes them feel cool
Chillin’ by the jacuzzi at the pool

See the geckos layin’ on the sidewalk
A little ice cube, stiff from tail to jaw.
Leave them alone there on the sidewalk
Until the sun can help them thaw.

Winter freeze makes them feel cool
Chillin’ by the jacuzzi at the pool
Winter freeze makes them feel cool
Chillin’ by the jacuzzi at the pool

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