The Mission Statement

The Mission Statement

Gentlemen. Ladies. Thank you for coming. If you could all please take your seats, we can get started with today’s business.

In order for an organization to coordinate its actions, the communication of a Mission Statement to everyone, in and out of the organization, has been deemed very important. We need everyone on the same page, sharing expectations and direction. Therefore, at our meeting last week, we set today’s agenda to the creation of the Conundrum’s Mission Statement. We need to state who we are, what we intend to achieve, and the principles which will guide us to our goals.

Mr. Chairman, if I may submit this first draft for discussion:

“Conundrum Rules!”

Yes, thank you, Mr. Latimer. An excellent slogan. Perhaps a bit too terse to convey the full message, but a simple, easily understood summary. Our thanks to you folks in Advertising for getting the ball rolling.

Mr. Chairman, we are a secret organization, n'est pas?  The advertising it is outside our purpose.

Well, perhaps, Mlle Laflame, but much of the power of a secret is in people knowing the secret exists without knowing what the secret is. But you raise a good point in defining who we are and how we prefer to work with undetected but effective subtlety. Can somebody offer some phrasing to capture both Mr. Latimer’s and Mlle Laflame’s ideas?

Perhaps:

“Conundrum controls the economy through subterfuge.”

Thank you, Mr. Tao. More discussion?

Yes. Trickery alone sometimes does not get the job done, Mr. Chairman. We need to include some more strong-armed means in that statement. The Tactics Division suggests “by subterfuge, sabotage, and suppression.”

Ah, if we may also add. While wealth may be largely concerned with the economy, our business has other important dealing in people’s lives. International Affairs Division seeks to exploit the cultural rifts for opportunities to gain power and influence, often long before any actual capitalization of the advantage can be realized.

Ja, and let us not forget the resources in the physical world that we need to possess, develop, and deliver. Logistics and Engineering support the insertion of “environment” amongst the targeted elements.

Yes, thank you all. So we now have:

“Conundrum controls the economy, culture, and environment through subterfuge, sabotage, and suppression.”

Legal here. The word “controls” seems unfocused. Mr. Tkazal in International uses a much stronger word in explaining the process of locating and developing advantages – exploit. The implication of the purpose in whatever manipulations we may undertake is much clearer.

Mr. Chairman, I believe we also have neglected to state what is the underlying purpose and value to be achieved in our action. Who will benefit? What will that benefit be?

Very good point. Anyone?

Well, us, of course. With money and power to do whatever we want. Ba-ha-ha, so to speak.

Lacks specificity, but does provide flexibility for future expansion.

Y’know, youse guys (and gals) at the top of this pile needs to remember us in the ditches too. We ain’t getting all the money and power to do whatever we wants, but we’s part Conundrum’s success too. A little Conundrum applied grease to ease our way through them problem moments makes it worthwhile for us whilst we waits for ours bigger things to come.

Mr. Fingers, thank you for that reminder. An enterprise of our nature does not rest on plans and schemes alone without the staff to execute the necessary actions. Our mission must include the inspiration to recruit, reward, retain, and even advance our deserving minions.

Sir, Human Resources would like to propose the following addition.

“Conundrum strives to maximize its wealth, power, and influence to ensure the comfort and freedom of action of its officers, employees, and friends. All others are either obstacles or resources to be harvested.”

Oh, my, yes, Mrs. Gruber, that will certainly give staff and associates the understanding and incentive to be on the right side of that distinction. Might the Chair suggest we further qualified the “employees” with the term “loyal” to establish a properly elevated expectation of full-hearted participation in order to gain the benefits?

Is there any more discussion? All right then, the Conundrum Mission Statement shall be:

“Conundrum exploits the economy, culture, and environment through subterfuge, sabotage, and suppression. Conundrum strives to maximize its wealth, power, and influence to ensure the comfort and freedom of action of its officers, loyal employees, and friends. All others are either obstacles or resources to be harvested.”

As this statement meets with everyone’s satisfaction, Number Two, will you please see to its publication and distribution? Meeting adjourned. Go find us some more money, power, or whatever, everyone. That is your mission.