Guide to Playing with Invisible, Silent, and/or Imaginary Friends

Guide to Playing with Invisible, Silent, and/or Imaginary Friends

Many of us have enough to do in keeping up to the demands of friendships amongst those we encounter each day. Those so socially engaged oft have little understanding for people who would further complicate their lives with interactions with folks who are not there. Nonetheless, there are still those who willingly (even preferably) seek the companionship of our more inconspicuous friends.

A lack of presence does not terminate our relations with the absent. The persons around us who have never engaged with the missing person might readily dismiss that apparent void as unnecessary to the reality of the moment. But our insubstantial friend peers out of our eyes and listens through our ears from his enthronement in our minds. As the fancy takes him, he may added commentary and interpretation that may have otherwise passed unnoticed by us. Perhaps there are some we encounter whose quick mental impressions we can smooth out of the wrinkles of our brains, but once we have allowed a friend to take up residence for any time, we will forever find his footprints scattered throughout our domes. Sometimes we allow our enemies to stomp around under there too.

What should we do with these unevictible absentee lodgers? Some may chose to wall them up behind bricks of neglect and forgetfulness, writing off those rooms as irrecoverable losses; we use so little of our brain capacity that the depletion seems slight. Some learn to double-bunk (and more) our guests into composite memories from which the component entities can rarely be separated again (especially useful for multiple exes, I hear in country music). But I would suggest that the best approach is to be a courteous host and allow your guests to have their fun. You too will benefit if you follow the proper guidelines.

First, you should probably learn to distinguish the characteristics of your relation with your cerebral comrade. Friendships start, pause, and even end in many manners, with more variety than can ever be catalogued. I will offer here three simple bins into which to sort your non-apparent guests, but readily admit you may find them too restrictive, non-exclusive, or totally unnecessary. There are:

• Invisible friends - It may not have been so long since you have seen your friend that you no longer know what he looks like. But the people around you nowadays do not share your memory of the invisible friend. This is not somebody they know and, if they accept your avowal for his existence, they do so as faith in you, not in your friend.
• Silent friends – There is little to no fresh exchange with the silent friend. For a deceased friend, there may be scant prospect for any new input. Nonetheless, the wellspring of memories of a silent friend may provide endless re-runs and even revised editions.
• Imaginary friends – A simple lack of reality does not engender an imaginary friend in our minds. Many real people whom we have never met have been subject of enough tales that our imagination has constructed from them a persona for us to know (and befriend). Oh, yes, there are certainly imaginary friends who are totally fictional creations, but it is our ability to animate them in our brains that permitted our friendships to blossom.

Some suggestions to do:

To the degree that you share yourself, share your otherwise hidden friends. They are part of you now.

Listen to your friends. Ask them for assistance and amusement. Remember the good times. Remember the lessons learned and the techniques and thinking employed to learn them. So often you did these things together and you can replay them again (with variation) if you allow it.

Be prepared to hear something new from your friends. They are reacting to your new experiences, even with their old eyes, ears, and words. They will enliven your thoughts and provide new viewpoints when you allow their characters the chance to speak within the brain you share.

Respect your friends, but do not idolize them. It is okay to disagree with them (and they with you) in your thoughts just as you might in person. They are your friends, remember?

Maybe you should not:

Talk aloud to your friends when other persons are present. If you feel it is necessary to do so, please at least introduce them to the people in the room.

Close yourself off to the possibility of their return. Do not become so enraptured with your memories of a friend that you will dismiss an opportunity to extend your memories with fresh contact. Even the long-gone friend (prominent amongst the Silents) may have new material discovered by you or others. Sequels and remakes do occur and sometimes live up to or improve upon the original; if nothing else, they remind you of the original.

Allow them to take over. Hey, this is your psyche and your life. They have their own body (or book, or mythical beast) to inhabit. Let them talk to you, but draw the line when they attempt to possess you entirely. Friendship has its limits, doesn't it?

The friendships that go into making us who we are should be treasured even as they grow old and distant. Give them some attention and they will remain shiny, able to reflect back to you that which you store within. Oh, sure, some will have the warps and distortions of a funhouse mirror, but that is part of the fun of life too.